Category: Captured – The Spoken Word

Game of Inches

Some of my friends are going through a rather hard time in their lives. Life has a habit of throwing curves balls and it never throws them one at a time. It likes to keep hitting you until you feel yourself begin to buckle under the strain of trying to hold things together.

What do you tell a friend who has reached the last, last straw? What do you tell a friend who is juggling so many issues that they can’t sleep at night for all the catching up their mind tries to do? What do you tell a friend who is making a decision that will tear them apart?

You tell them the simple truth.

Life can be fucking hard. For everyone. Yes, most of the time, when things go wrong, it’s because of decisions we’ve made. But nobody is perfect. We all make bad decisions. Sometimes we don’t have any choice – all of the available options are bad. The lucky get a few free passes on the consequences.

The unlucky…don’t.

Don’t obsess about making the one right decision for every issue you face. Focus on issues one at a time. Make the best decision possible with what you know, and move on.

***

Let’s talk about football.

No, seriously.

In the movie ‘Any Given Sunday’, Al Pacino’s plays Tony D’Amato, an NFL coach. His personal life has gone very badly, due in large part to bad decisions. Towards the end of the movie he gives a speech that does a remarkable job of explaining how to get through when things are beyond hard, beyond painful, beyond acceptable.

You get through by fighting for every inch. It’s when you stop fighting, stop caring, that you falter.

Never give up. Never stop trying. Never stop believing it can get better. Because it can. It will. If only for a little while, you can find respite. You can find those moments of joy that make everything else fade to yesterday’s memories, pale and wane in the face of new love, a live concert of your favorite band, the tight pleasure of being bound and taken, or the smile of a friend who is just happy to see you.

[audio:AnyGivenSunday_Inches.mp3]
Al Pacino, Any Given Sunday

Leonard Cohen

What are some the differences between the written and the spoken word?

The written word is more trusted, deceptively so, being safely static on the page. But once tasted on the tips of our minds it lingers underneath, giving birth to fetishes our conscious self is not ready to accept.

The spoken word is more personal, bringing timbre to the notes in our hearts, voice to the secrets that strangers share. It promises and lies. It strokes our egos and our sex. It commands in whispers, delivers in breathless surrender.

Poets are the worst of us, bleeding their issues all over the page like common gossips. Poets are the best of us, providing glimpses through the looking-glass at the chaotic promise of life. Poets are philosphers, touching reality with deft strokes of their wordwise verse. Poets are saints, prayed to, adored for the way they carry us with them, tugged by verse and by vanity into their dreams and desires.

Leonard Cohen is my kind of poet.

[audio:LeonardCohen_HeardOfAMan.mp3]
Leonard Cohen, intro to Silent All These Years (with Tori Amos)

Time for Cruelty (Second and Third Rules in the Tao of Steve)

For completions sake, here are the other two rules in the Tao of Steve. Before reading this, I strongly encourage you to take a look at the thoughtful comments left in the previous post.

Let me start with these often uttered words: “Nice guys finish last, assholes get the women.” Like most well-used phrases there is some truth to it, but the reality is much more complex. An idea I think that holds more weight is this: Nice guys that have no problems meeting women are those that understand why the not-so nice guys can be so attractive.

When I am taking someone down, I am not being nice.

When I tie someone to my bed, I am not being accommodating.

When I am forcing them to undress in front of me, I am not being fair.

When I making someone beg, I am not being considerate.

When I am whipping or spanking them, I am not being gentle.

This does not mean I am not taking into account how comfortable they are. It does not mean that I am ignoring their well-being. And it does not stop me from being a gentleman.

What it does mean is that I understand that there is a time and place for cruelty.

***

Rule Two: Do Something Excellent in her Presence.

Believe it or not, this is actually quite easy. Here are few good ways for a man to be Excellent:

– Be funny.

– Be a gentleman. Know what wine goes with each meal. Stand when she leaves the table. Pull her chair out for her.

– Be attentive. Look into her eyes. Not in that eerie ‘why is he staring at me’ way, but in a fashion that makes it clear that she has all of your attention. The difference between the two is in the timing.

– Be intelligent. Articulate your thoughts in a clear and well-defined manner. But be careful here – there is a thin line between cleverness and arrogance. Witty is hot. Twitty is not.

– Fix her car.

[audio:TaoOfSteve_SecondRule.mp3]
Dex, Second Rule in Tao of Steve

***

Rule Three: Retreat

This harkens back to the first rule. Control your desire. Make her come to you – don’t go to her.

[audio:TaoOfSteve_ThirdRule.mp3]
Dex, Third Rule in Tao of Steve

Eliminating Desire (First Rule in the Tao of Steve)

The first step in attaining a state of irresistablity is to eliminate desire.

Actually, you don’t really have to eliminate desire – you just have to control it. This is an important distinction. While the actual results are often the same – ensnaring your prey – actually eliminating desire has two distinct downsides. The entire process becomes a lot less fun. And you lose your edge – that thin sliver of burning motivation that makes you bold and confident.

So why is this important? The clip below describes the process in a most amusing manner. But in summary: Nothing is less attractive as desperation. Nothing is more attractive as that which is hard to attain.

By the way – gender doesn’t have a lot to do with the general principle behind this idea; in fact, most thoughts along these lines can be applied to both sexes. I’m not saying that there aren’t differences between how males and females think – but there are some fundamentals in human instinct that ignore age, gender, and culture lines.

[audio:TaoOfSteve_FirstRule.mp3]
Dex, First Rule in the Tao of Steve

The Male Clit

Anytime a female mentions the fact that us males are lucky because we are capable of relieving ourselves from a standing position, I point out that I would gladly trade this in for a gift that women, as a rule, have over men: multiple orgasms.

Yes, I know males can achieve this. Yes, I know there are a significant number of women who are not multi-orgasmic.

The fact remains – in this area men got the short end of the stick.

While I am on it, however, I’d also like to express my envy with the fact that women reach their sexual peak at thirty, whereas men do so at a much younger age. Women are coming into their sexual prime at a point in their life where they’ve had a chance to gather enough knowledge and experience to actually do something with all that sexual energy. Dumb teenage males spend their sexual primes trying to get to second base in the back of their parent’s stationwagon.

And here, to answer a question that we all are curious about, whether we know it or not, is Roger Swanson: womanizer, armchair psychiatrist, and grudging mentor to his nephew.

[audio:RogerDoger_Clitoris.mp3]
Roger Swanson, Roger Doger

And now, a word from our sponsors…

Assuming new work responsibilities this week, which makes regular writing a tad trickier.

So instead of another illicit account of my bad behavior, here are some rather interesting thoughts on the role of women. Agree or disagree with her words, but do not ignore the fact that the dance between our sexes has only become more intricate with time, not less. As human beings we can treat each other with respect and honesty. As men and women we stand ready to employ whatever guile and tricks we may to win points when we can.

There will always be a balance of power, one men and women (as well as men and men, and women and women) will struggle over.

[audio:DangerousLiasons_WomenAreMoreSkillfull.mp3]
Marquise Isabelle de Merteuil and Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont, Dangerous Liaisons