The first step in attaining a state of irresistablity is to eliminate desire.
Actually, you don’t really have to eliminate desire – you just have to control it. This is an important distinction. While the actual results are often the same – ensnaring your prey – actually eliminating desire has two distinct downsides. The entire process becomes a lot less fun. And you lose your edge – that thin sliver of burning motivation that makes you bold and confident.
So why is this important? The clip below describes the process in a most amusing manner. But in summary: Nothing is less attractive as desperation. Nothing is more attractive as that which is hard to attain.
By the way – gender doesn’t have a lot to do with the general principle behind this idea; in fact, most thoughts along these lines can be applied to both sexes. I’m not saying that there aren’t differences between how males and females think – but there are some fundamentals in human instinct that ignore age, gender, and culture lines.
[audio:TaoOfSteve_FirstRule.mp3]
Dex, First Rule in the Tao of Steve
I don’t know…I’ve known a lot of men that would have jumped at the chance if they thought that I desired them. Where’s the fun in that? Maybe it’s just harder for men to understand our hidden agendas.
Did you watch the whole movie? Because it seems to me that the premise of the film is to prove exactly how ass-backwards this kind of thinking is. Syd clearly likes Steve. Steve clearly likes Syd. And it’s not until he ceases to…
Oh, just rent it again.
But, hell, yeah. Great film.
And speaking as a woman, nothing makes me more hot and more wet than the absolute certain knowledge that this man wants to be with me, be around me, and be in me.
Very good points.
SB – I know a lot of men that not only would have jumped you – but still would. This is one area, perhaps, where the differences between men and women is a little clearer. Men, I think, are much more likely to take something at face value and enjoy it. They are much less likely to turn down someone attractive, sexy, and – available. Hell, a lot of men won’t turn down women they don’t find attractive at all.
On the other hand, I think it is much harder to capture a woman’s interest. They are more discriminating then men. Women are simply a harder sell.
There is a difference between acknowledging desire for someone and being desperate. I don’t know any female who finds desperation in that manner to be attractive.
Appropriate expression of desire: “When you smile like that, your whole face lights up. It makes you look even more beautiful, if that is even possible.”
OR, more simply, at the right time,
“I want you.”
Inappropriate expression of desire: “Why haven’t you called yet? I can’t leave any more messages on your machine. I thought our first date went well and I really need to see you again. You complete me. Please call me. I just need to see- *BEEP*”
Chelsea Girl – You’re correct about the movie. But I didn’t take the moral of the story to mean the rules are ineffective. I see the movie as saying that there is a better way; that by following the rules, you preclude yourself from having a more fulfilling and happier relationship. Which, to some extent, I agree with.
Let me try and explain it like this.
There are many ways for two people to come together. Mutual interest. Random luck. Old friends becoming lovers. Shared attraction between strangers. Alcohol. Last two people on earth.
They all can lead to relationships (some lasting hours, others for an entire life). Some lead to healthier relationships then others. Not that it is set in stone – there’s plenty of room for good and bad relationships to start in all kinds of ways. But they are all valid paths.
I’m certainly not advocating following the Tao of Steve as a way of life – but I think understanding what it is, and why it is effective, is important. Especially for someone who wants to exert mastery over another person. I’m not speaking about the deceit practiced in the movie, but of the control of desire. In my opinion, it is critical that desire be held in close check when you have someone under you (in every sense). There is a time to give it reign, and a time to hold it back. Managing expectations and knowing the person’s state of mind (which is most possible when you specifically put them there) are important in the context of D/s.
Ahhh. Yes, desparation is quite pathetic. You make a good point.
This is perfectly true. The number one reason I find my S.O. so desirable is that he knows when to show his desire – and, most of the time, not to show it. Since we’re in a D/s relationship, it is extremely important that he keeps it in check, and he does that better than anyone I’ve ever met. Early on, when we were still ‘just friends,’ we found ourselves supposedly platonically in a bed together. He managed to keep himself in control for so long that I finally made the first move – and he has been in control of me ever since. It really defined our roles: he is the one in charge, and I am the one who is mastered.