My relationship with NE and her husband is an interesting one.
My friends don’t understand it.
My family doesn’t need to know about it.
But it works. So far, it works. A large part of this stems from a foundation of truth between all three of us. It is also fairly significant that we all are very compatible. I meet a need of NE’s that Bear hasn’t been all that interested in. We have lines of respect between us that make it clear where we each stand with each other and there’s plenty of friendship and love to fill in the gaps.
As mentioned, Bear hasn’t been all that interested in engaging in the type of play that NE and I share. NE and Bear have a very healthy sex life and he knows her body better than anyone, including me (my main focus is on the larger sex organ, the brain). He’s a smart, compassionate, capable person and I am proud to consider him a friend.
But dominant? Not particularly.
Last week, after dinner and on our way to see a movie, NE turned to me in the car and shared something I know was difficult for her to admit. Our play was spilling over, soaking into the fabric of her daily life. Her sex drive and her needs in this area were becoming ever more intricately linked.
I couldn’t help it. Only a bastard would smile at this (and the discomfort it was creating for her). But I am a bastard. I smiled and then pointed out that I had warned her of this at the beginning. Five years ago, when our play moved from the flirting of two people attracted to each other into the serious play of two people building a real connection, I warned her that she would eventually have trouble keeping this from affecting the rest of her life. The deeper she went, the deeper her needs would grow to become.
Sigh. She didn’t believe me then, and yet today she has no problem shooting me accusing glares for not giving her enough of a warning.
Because of this, NE and Bear are becoming more interested in sharing this area of play between themselves. As anyone involved in this lifestyles understands, there are levels and layers to this that allow every couple to find a fit that suits both involved individuals.
This conversation led to a – well, not really an uncomfortable silence, but perhaps an awkward pause – before NE managed to get out that Bear may be asking me for tips.
Ah. Me as a BDSM mentor. I’d dabbled before, but never seriously. I will agree that some personalities better lend themselves towards having a dominating bent – yet I also believe that a great deal can be taught if someone with the right will to learn.
Last Saturday, I gave him his first lesson. All three of us were returning from dinner – Bear was sitting in the back; NE was in the front next to me (as I drove) and behaving in a manner that indicated she wanted to be put in her place (you know the signs: sarcastic responses, biting witticisms, irritated aura of coiled tension). I turned to Bear and said, “When she gets like this, you need to remind her of where she stands with you.”
I slid my fingers through the back of her hair and tightened my grip to draw her head back while pulling her body into a taunt arch against the car seat. Her breathing immediately caught and her eyes closed. “Just do this. You don’t even have to look at her. Just grip her firmly.” Indeed, except for the initial glance in her direction, my eyes never left the road. I held her in that position for another few moments and then let her go.
If this story is to have a moral (and considering its’ source, that is debatable), it’s this: Setting yourself up to be played with by the two most important men in your life is dangerous. What will she do if Bear gets good at this?










