We crave food because we need it to sustain ourselves, to fuel our bodies. Food tastes good because if it did not, we would not eat and we would not survive.
We crave sex because we have a biological imperative to procreate. Sex feels good because if it did not, we would not reproduce and we would not survive.
But why does being bad feel so damn good? Why the thrill of going against convention, breaking the rules, or just doing something that is society says is wrong? Why is being wicked so deliciously exciting?
What’s the biological reason for that?
I’ve often wondered about the whole applied concept of “being bad”, or more significantly, “sin”, as applied to sex. I love BDSM for its own sake… if there’s a biological component to that, which there likely is, then it’s much more based in the sensations and released chemicals than a “what would others think” idea. And BDSM simply does not feel “like sinning” to me…. it feels like self-fulfillment (if anything, the idea that it is ‘sinning’ seems like denying the strength of the experience to me, since it’s defining that experience by another’s worldview). But perhaps there are different drives that people tap into, fueling their desires.
BDSM doesn’t feel like sinning to me, either. In fact, when I think of ‘being naughty’, I’m not thinking of BDSM (at least, not specifically). I’m thinking of making love on your deck, knowing your neighbors might see; making out with a friend’s ex-girlfriend; having a one-night stand with someone whose name you never learn.
Stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. *That* cookie will taste twice as good as all the rest just because you took it when you shouldn’t have.
Of course, some of these activities come with a healthy dose of guilt on the heels of the stolen excitement – but there is still that initial rush.
And the way my mind works…I want to know why.
Mine is not to question why…
Enjoy the stolen moment, dive into the rush, feel all the naughtiness coursing through you…
Why break it down to hormones or oxycontin or endorphins?
Let your wolf, your predator, be totally primitive and let it all wash over you, course through your veins…
Mmmmmm, so gooood…..
~J~
I was thinking the other day that I suppose the next question is, how do we actually feel if we’re caught? Could it be that we feel excited about escaping our own guilty/negative feelings by not being caught?
I was raised Catholic, but I’ve managed to escape quite a bit of guilt by being open and honest about *who* I am with those close to me.
That said, I have been caught making decisions that have brought pain to those I care about. It is the pain caused, not guilt, that brings me sorrow.
And yet, I know my nature well, and rather then deny it, I find a path to wickedness that is less likely to hurt those close to me.
I don’t equate “bad” with BDSM or sex at all; in many ways, I think we are only reaching for the full spectrum of emotion – spiritual and otherwise – and physically – when we indulge or crave. Endorphins after all are a natural sedative …
Further, take a look at nature generally – it is harsh and hard and often painful – for god’s sake, male cats have a hook at the end of their penis and the female cats don’t just scream out of passion …
As human beings, the onset of relgion I believe has embraced the concept of separating mind and body – labelling mind and heart “good” and body “bad” . I have blogged a lot on how important I feel it is to find that balance again …
Being whipped brings me to my zen moment – I have often likened it to a form of meditation (I am a huge yoga fan) – becuase ultimately, as in yoga, it brings you harshly, beautifully and completely into the HERE AND NOW.
selkie
Ethically, I consider very little in life to be actually /bad/ – aside from intentionally harming another person (and I use the term ‘harm’ very specifically).
But my morality (what I consider my emotional ethics) are a different story. The culture and religion I was raised in did an excellent job in instilling a sense of taboo in regards to a wide range of topics; when I use terms like ‘bad’, ‘evil’, ‘naughty’, it is done so in the long shadow of my childhood upbringing.
Which is a long way of saying that I am able to enjoy the thrill of breaking societal taboos while intellectually dismissing the guilt or shame associated with it.
Sex is the pleasure of life that’s given in relations to creating life, but only the mind can determine the extent of its sinfullness. We can enjoy the pleasures of sex within the confines of morality, decency, virtue; but outside of the institute of marriage, which is good; we replicate lawlessness to our purpose. Marriage is not the defining of paperwork, but the coming together of two to be one, not for the moment but forever. The desires to pervert marriage (coming together of two to be one, made known before witnessess and sealed with sexual intercourse), extends from the heart of one who is anti-life and does not reverence his purpose for being…
Purpose for being, as you consider it.
Biologically, our imperative is survival and the passing on of our genes via procreation; spiritually, my purpose for being is not so easily defined. The closest I get is to say my purpose for being involves experiencing as much as life as possible, enjoying life when I can, and sharing joy as I may.
If marriage is viewed only as an eternal match between two people, then I must admit a strong desire to pervert its nature. It may be two people, or may be three, or four, or more – and it may last forever, but it may last only decades, or years, or even months. Nourishing a connection between people takes a lot of work, and not a small bit of luck. We all change, evolve, grow together and apart in the ebbs and currents of a relationship.
Growing up I never knew the world of BDSM existed …
It was very Taboo and still is to an extent but very mainstream today 2008
I too was brought up Catholic and occasionally “naughty” like meeting a married man online, then meeting him in person January 2008…
We didnt get intimate because he’s married and I would be committing adultery but I did blow him. How guilty I felt after I returned home and knew I had let our Lord down….
Yes sometime it is not worth it but other times it is. You just have to be in the right mood and the right person but if it the wrong person that is not right. So Adultry is having relations with someone who is not your husband or vs if he isnot your wife. So Sometime you crave sex but then you know there is other things out there AIDS, HIV, and many other dieases and you have to worry about Pregnancy and other conquences that are emotional too. Abstience does not have to worry about being used or having HIV, AIDS or pregancy or anything else that comes with conquences. You also have quilt and your consences. I rather be a virgin then to be not a virgin and have to worry about things and worries fears doubts and ect.