Coffee and Confidence

NE met up with me last night for a dinner and movie; on the way to dinner I asked her what she thought of my writing. Two comments stuck out. The first was that it was interesting for her to see a side of me in my blog-entries that she had only seen in my other, less public, writing. I can see the truth in that. She has mentioned, often, that she never knows what is going on in my mind during a scene. When I told her about my blog, it was with the intent that this question be at least partially answered.

The second comment was that I seem ‘full of myself’ in my writing here.

Well, yes. I most certainly am.

“Aren’t I all that, though?”

She looked at me, her blonde hair partially obscuring her face, “Well, yes, but…”

I’m not able to take control and assert myself by being shy. This is one particular area I have complete confidence in; oh, I make mistakes. But I also know that there are few mistakes, if any, that I cannot recover from. And I’m always learning. I don’t know it all and I like it that way – discovering new ways to tease, to play. To please and be pleased. Yes, months may go by between scenes and if I don’t pay attention, my skills can get rusty. But as a rule…I’m just becoming increasingly more dangerous.

There was a third comment. I’m not a big coffee person, preferring tea or hot chocolate. She insists that real men drink coffee, with the implication being that by not being a big fan of it, I am less manly. Now I ask you, does coffee really make the man?

Wench. If I hadn’t been driving, she would have found herself in a lot of trouble.

“I’m not entirely submissive…”

People have a tendency to want to change the people they are with. But it never works out the way they think it is going to. The irony is that the very things that attract them to a person – the rogue or wench in them – are the qualities that they want reshaped into something more…manageable.

My humble opinion? Accept them as they are. Just by being with someone, you are naturally going to rub off on them (and vice versa). If anything, work to cultivate the differences. Differences are exciting. Differences create confrontation (and confrontation is not a bad thing! Confrontation does not have to mean argument or fight. It means two forces are meeting – and often, when forces meet, sparks fly. Sparks are good.).

Novels would be very uninteresting if the protagonist reached the climax of the story only to tell the bad guy that they are more then welcome to nuke New York, sell the girl into white slavery, and go on being their bad self – because hey, the protaganist was moving to Tijuana anyways, the girl was a nag, and that Nietzsche guy had the right idea about the strong.

Hey…I kind of like that story. I think need to work on my supporting examples a bit more….

***

Hannah tips her head as she feels your eyes on her, soft pink of her tongue darting out to moisten her lips as she waits for a reaction. She blushes softly as she feels your eyes on her and licks her lips again, “So was it what you expected to see?”

D’jaevle watches you, his eyes traveling your body slowly, from the ring on your toe to the curve of your breasts. “Yes. A collar, even if of gold.” He pauses, then chuckles, “I so seldom indulge myself these days…but you are so inviting.” He turns, fully facing you, closing the distance between himself and you – so close, you are forced to step back, finding the wall behind you.

Hannah purrs a bit as her hand moves up to stroke her collar. She looks at you with wide eyes – and then gasps as her back touches the wall. She swallows, refusing to look down or away. “There is something else you should know about me…” she murmurs, eyes sparkling. She laughs softly, placing her hands on your chest and sliding them slowly up to your shoulders. They continue around to the back of your neck and she exerts a small pressure, pulling your head towards hers. “I’m not entirely submissive…” she purrs just before her lips brush across yours.

D’jaevle meets your lips slowly, parting to enjoy the taste, sharing the hunger with the slip of his tongue lightly along your lower lip. He speaks against your lips, “Oh?”

Hannah mmms, her lips parting softly, invitingly as she presses her body against yours, softness melting against you. She laughs softly and suckles your lower lip into her mouth, giving it a little nip. “You’d be surprised how many that are into the ‘lifestyle’ in any way that scares away…”

D’jaevle allows his eyes to close briefly, enjoying the kiss, fingers tightening on your lower back as he keeps you against the wall, “Which is why I don’t indulge too often…I dislike boundaries, or conventions. I admire intelligence.” D’jaevle adjusts his position, knee moving along your thighs, resting at their apex, parting them slightly, his expression amused, “And a sense of humor.” His hands run up over your sides, coming to rest on the wall behind you. His thigh applies a slow pressure you, parting your legs, “Offer me something. Your name.”

Hannah‘s laugh turns into a gasp as she finds herself riding your thigh. She trembles, the urge to lower herself down and truly ride you almost overwhelming. She growls softly, deep in her throat, the slow flush that started at her cheeks spreading down. She raises her eyes to yours and tips her head curiously, “Mmm, my name…that is offering a lot, truly…” She looks into your eyes, searching. She must like what she sees because she smiles softly and murmurs, “Jessi.”

D’jaevle suddenly presses his knee up, resting tightly against you, without warning. His eyes are on yours as he leans closer and lowers his lips to yours, meeting them parted, teeth grazing your lower lip, “You feel the need, don’t you? The burning.”

Hannah kisses you hungrily, body pulsing with need, “Yes…” she whispers huskily, “Oh yes…” She rides your thigh, twisting her hips as she grinds down onto it, her juices starting to soak into the pantleg of your slacks. She cries out softly, arching towards you, her soft curves trapped to pleasantly between you and the wall. She bites her lower lip and moans, pleasure coursing through her like a shock wave. She clings to you, grinding her hips down onto your thigh as she begins to pant softly. Her fingers slide up into your hair and she whimpers with need, “Please…” whispers as she tangles her fingers in your hair and pulls you down for a kiss.

D’jaevle thrusts his knee harder, driving it in as one hand slips down along your back, tracing your ass, palm pressing into the cheek, his mouth moving against yours, quick hungry kisses, “How far does it go with me, how far do you want it to go?”

Hannah trembles against you, then looks up at you eyes wide and trusting and full of desire, “Please…as far as you can take me…” She buries her face into the crook of your neck and nuzzles you, body quivering on the edge. She whimpers.

D’jaevle relaxes his knee, keeping you on the edge, fingers curled against your ass, holding you there. His eyes burn into yours as he holds you steady, “Tell me you need more.”

Hannah’s heart races and she nods, “I need more…how much more do you want of me?”

D’jaevle lets his fingers dance against your skin, just at the entrance from behind, “I want to hear your breathing, your hunger, your words. For now. I want you to hear my vision, driving you.”

Hannah trembles feeling your fingers driving her wild. She licks her dry lips and leans back against the wall, back arching deeply and thrusting her breasts towards you, “Tell me what you want me to do…”

Body Rhythms

I love female bodies. I love learning them. I love their softness and heat. Most of all…I love how they respond to me.

Every body speaks a dialect of a universal language; a language as versatile as it is beautiful.

There is a word for the sound of silk when firm hands tease cloth aside to expose skin; there is a word for the staccato thrust of bodies, the pounding of flesh in a rhythm the mind could never grasp but which bodies understand too well; there is a word for the friction of two naked humans bound so tight that limbs forget who they belong to; there is a word for the sound elicited by neck kisses so slight, they belong to whispers; and there is a word for those perfect bites – bites just hard enough that your nipples remember for them days.

And each shiver, each ragged breath, each moan – they are the prayers I answer with words spoken through fingers and lips.

***

I remember your curves.
They began along the small of your back,
And drew sight and sound along a path of naked skin
that glimpsed and beckoned me close

Tease, they whispered in the way they shifted, opening new lines, erasing old in the ever-changing landscape of heat and hunger.

Breath, they reminded as I froze, stilled by the beauty I found in the dance between my hands and your skin.

Promise, they offered in the lines of your hips and thighs.

Now, they pleaded in the way they began to shiver; my touch, with purpose and desire to know where each curve led, awakened your skin with promises of my own.

Yes, they cried when I found the center of the labryinthe, the secrets you hid so well but wanted to scream, finding release in the simple task of being set free.

Yes, I agreed as I laid my head against your chest and began anew.

Glass Angels

No need to worry; I’m not obsessed with angels. To me, the Celestine Prophecy sounds like a bad plot device for any number of fantasy novels – and the five people I meet in heaven will likely be wondering how I escaped hell.

That said, I do find angels to be a useful metaphor. Starting with this poem, and going for about four years after it (putting me a year or so out of college), I used poetry to explore what it means to be human. If ‘animal’ is our baser side, then ‘angel’ is what seperates us from the other creatures. What is it that makes us different from other mammals? Is our love purer? Or needs greater? Is it self-awareness and an opposable thumb? More then that, why do we struggle so hard between our base desires (such as procreation) and our need to be…civilized (however each culture defines it)?

This poem was the beginning of my thoughts on this – although it is just barely hinted at here. This was the start of my new writing. It made me write into places I had thought too dark to see into.

It? She. I wrote this for her. And this post is dedicated to her.

***

Fragile eyes, weeping urns
whose only tear
is found in the heart

glass angels kneel
and weep because you failed
to make them out of steel

I can see in them all the imperfections
and yet they are truly
Angels

and so few of us can make angels

Subversive Text

Submission is not a weakness.

Submission for pleasure or release is not a character flaw. To be very clear – submitting to unwanted or unwarranted physical or emotional abuse is not the same. But that is not Submission. In the Submission I speak of, spankings are used to create physical pleasure and (or) introduction to a zone for my partner to descend into – and words are used to disarm, distract, and direct.

So what is Submission? A gift. A trust. A promise. A sacrifice. A hunger. A moment. A place inside. A spiritual awakening. A fucking. It is freedom, hope, desire, and potential. It is found in restraint, in humiliation, in love, in a glance, in a word, in giving it up and in accepting it all. It is on all fours, on knees, on a four-poster bed tied and helpless, on a desk bent over and exposed, and on the passenger’s seat of a car blindfolded and waiting. It is part of a greater whole, defining while not constraining. It pervades. It demands. It begs. It is.

Embrace it. Accept it. Most of all – enjoy it.

Crossing the Line

What is it that drives us over that line? What is the deciding factor that says that this kiss, this word, this touch, this look, is the one that is going to push you over the edge and do something wicked, something sinful? Looking back at my life, I see that I’ve made a study of these stress points. Finding them is what quickens my blood – it is the scent of prey that awakens my darker, hungrier, side .

***

D’jaevle smiles….you do make me hungry, make me want to feel you under me.

Karin pages: perhaps it is the allure of something forbidden…but the thoughts make my heart race

D’jaevle pages: ‘Does it make you wet to think of my mouth on you right now? Knowing how bad it is, but wanting it?’.

Karin pages: yes

D’jaevle pages: ‘Because that’s all I can think of. Having you tied there as you watch my face between your legs, feeling my tongue….knowing how evil it is that I am doing this to you….’.

Karin pages: god

D’jaevle pages: ‘I want for you to feel my teeth grazing you as my hands tighten around your legs, sliding one…over my shoulder…feeling you get wetter with each passing moment…Tell me you want more.’.

Karin pages: yes and no…but yes.

D’jaevle pages: ‘Say it…’.

Karin pages: Give me more.

***

Karin pages: yes, I want to be tied down and taken

D’jaevle pages: ‘Who do you want to take you?’.

From afar, Karin pauses.

D’jaevle pages: ‘Tell me Karin …tell me who you want to tie you up right now and take you, hard?’.

Karin pages: I want my husband to learn to take me the way you would

D’jaevle pages: ‘I know. But tell me, honestly. Right now, who do you want to take you like that? Who do you want between your thighs, making you shudder hard, knowing you can’t stop yourself?’.

Karin pages: you

I understand.

Want to know the secret?

Pay attention to the person. See them for who they really are – not just the surface, the clothes, the smile, and the pleasantries of small talk; see past their civilized veneer and social masks; see the insecurities and the human frailty. See and accept. Listen to what they have to say. Notice the details. Understand their desires and fears. If you can do all of this, they are yours.

It is that simple.

I understand that when you bite the inside of my thigh, you are telling me where you want my teeth.

I understand the effect whispered words can have while you are being held utterly still.

I understand that crossing lines is dangerous because it is addicting; being bad feels good; being very bad feels even better.

I understand the hunger for anonymity; a stranger’??s seductive voice telling you what to do.

I understand the cutting edge stark reality can bring, driving feelings both harder and deeper as more is revealed.

I understand where the true danger lies, in the addiction of hunger – in the moments of indecision that lead to places you hadn’t realized you wanted so badly to experience.

I understand that some scenes need weeks or months to build to, while others have to be satisfied after a few frenzied verbal or written meetings.

I understand that sexual boundaries can be driven and enjoyed in e-mail and on the phone, but nothing beats real fingers wrapped around your wrists while being kissed until you a??re breathless.

I understand what you need and am not afraid to use it against you.