Category: General Musings

It is popular to hate on Valentine’s Day – the holiday itself, the people who enjoy it, and those in your life that fail to live up to it.

I’m not a particular fan of the day myself. To me, it is up there with holidays such as President’s and Flag day. If you happen to be a president, a flag, or a valentine, then the holiday has some significance for you. If not, it is just another day.

Except – it’s not. On Valentine’s day, so many were dissappointed with how things turned out. I did not read a single story of a Valentine’s day that had a happy ending.

But I did hear about one. So I made her write it down.

***

NE’s Words:

My husband looks at Valentine’s Day as a way to reflect…not as a responsibility. Well, that is not entirely true; he does have some responsibility due to the fact that Valentine’s day is also my birthday.

I woke up and he was getting ready to go to work. He brought me tea in bed. I had some things to finish downstairs before I went to work, so we went downstairs together. While I was working he made me breakfast of eggs and toast, all the while being sweet and wishing me a good day. I finished my work and I went upstairs to get ready for work. He packed me lunch and met me by the cars to leave. I asked, “Are you going to be home when I get off work?” He said that he would be here. I noticed he forgot his badge and so I said that it was upstairs by the bed. He told me to go ahead and leave…he knew I had to get to work. So I did. I was completely fooled into thinking he was going to work, he played me so well. I even left the freaking garage door open for him.

I went to work and soon enough I was at my desk, working furiously through my lunch hour and I turned around and there he was…in the door of my office. Standing there with balloons and flowers. He had taken off work that day to surprise me! I was so happy to see him. I had somewhere I had to be, so he tied the balloons in my office and dropped me off at the building. I was worried about the flowers, but he said that he would go home and put them in a vase for me. I want to add here that I was so freaking surprised to see him. We kissed and hugged in my office. He was so cute with the balloons and flowers. The flowers were all different kinds and shades of my favorite color, purple. When he dropped me off at the building, he instructed me to be outside at 3:45, so that he could pick me up (we would get my truck later). We had some place to be at 4pm. I said no problem.

I breezed through my afternoon, happy and smiling. I was outside at 3:45 on schedule and he picked me up. He had a snack in the car, because he knew that I usually eat something when I get off of work before dinner and he had my favorite soda cold and ready for me. So I said where are we going? He said, I finally made that hair appointment for you that you haven’t had time to schedule. Now to some of you this may sound silly, but for those of you who are really busy, you know that the little things that make you feel good, but don’t have time to take care of really matter. This was a really sweet thing for him to do. So I got my hair cut, got to relax and get a shampoo (get off of my feet that I had been on all day), and generally not worry about anything.

We left my hairdresser and picked up my truck, so that I would not have to worry about it for tomorrow. On the way, he said that he picked up the next DVD in the series that we were watching (Lost, which is a totally fun and cool series) and that we had 45 minutes or so before we would leave again. He thought it might be fun to watch part of an episode. I said, awesome. We got home and settled in the family room. (I might add a clean and beautiful family room; he cleaned up the house for me!) Before we started, he came in with a gift bag. “I want to spread out your gifts and so here are your first ones.” Now I want to preface this with the fact that we had agreed for our birthdays this year that we wouldn’t do anything big…we are currently re-doing our study. I was surprised. Inside the bag was a beautiful small stuffed lion. (He used to call me his Lioness when we were younger, because when I was on top of him my blond hair would fall and frame my face…Ok we both know that female lions don’t have manes, but it is still a great nickname). I loved it.

Underneath were a pair of comfy pants and matching sweater. He got this for me because I only have stupid old hang out clothes of sweat pants and my best friend has cool hangout outfits that not only are comfy, but look good. He remembered that I had been wanting something similar to hers. I am always jealous when she says that she is going upstairs to put on comfy clothes and comes down looking just as good. So he got me a perfect outfit, and it was the right size although I didn’t try them on then due to the fact the we were going back out in a half an hour.

So we left at the appointed time and we arrived at a beautiful Italian restaurant in our neighborhood. He had made the perfect reservations, and I only felt slightly bad for all the couples waiting. (There were so many men and women waiting and you could see in the men’s eyes that they had forgotten it was Valentine’s Day and said…ok, where can I take her to a nice dinner? Little did they know they would have to wait at least an hour.) He ordered us a bottle of wine and we sipped at that and had the bruschetta on the table while we decided on our meals. I got the baked chicken stuffed with wilted spinach and smoked mozzarella in a garlic, white wine sauce over angel hair pasta, while he ordered the veal. While we had our wine, I got my second bag of gifts. He got me 2 books, and a set of DVD’s I wanted. He also got me a small box of Godiva chocolates, because he knew that I wouldn’t order dessert and he wanted me to have something sweet for my birthday. But the best part of the bag was my card. It was a beautiful Valentine’s Day card, but inside was a typed note.

The note was folded in the same manner that we used to give each other notes when we were kids. The note first had a small printed picture of 2 teddy bears, meant to be him and I (in case you didn’t figure it out, I have an attachment from my childhood to stuffed animals) placed in one of the folds. I opened the note. Inside he had composed a typed letter about all of the different times and ways that he has fallen in love with me over the years. (we have known each other since we were 11 and been together on and off since we were 14). It was amazing. Hearing someone reflect on why they love you and how that happens is truly eye-opening. I of course balled while I read it at the table.

We had lovely dinners and afterwards, wanted to go to the bar for an after dinner drink. Unfortunately, all of those sad couples were clustered around the bar, so thick that we couldn’t have even found room to speak to the bartender, let alone, sit down. So we sat at our table for a minute while I finished my glass of wine. He looked at me, and said, do you want your last present here, or at home? I couldn’t believe it. (Hell, the card was all he had to get me and I mean it!) I said here, why not? So he unzipped his jacket pocket and pulled out a small gold-wrapped box with a red bow. I was so surprised. I gave him a dirty look for spending too much and then I unwrapped it. Inside was a stunning diamond and amethyst necklace to match the earrings that Djaevle had given me for Christmas. I was amazed. I was ready to get out of the crowd and hug and kiss him properly, so we left for home.

We got home and I rushed upstairs to try on my new comfy outfit and my necklace. He took up his normal position on the bed when he watches my try things on; laid out, head propped up on the pillows, arms behind the head. Luckily, I was wearing some sexy underwear, and when I was undressing, I did a little sexy dance for him and came over and crawled on top of him. And the sneaky guy says, Ok, well, there is one more gift for you. He pulled out from behind the pillow another wrapped box, this one a clothing box. I couldn’t believe it! The fucking timing was just amazing. I ripped it open while I was straddling him and inside…you guessed it, an incredibility sexy negligee with a robe. As with everything else for this day, I was absolutely surprised. He made my day perfect. We spent the rest of the evening by the fire together. It was wonderful. I walked away from the day feeling so loved, but even more than that I felt incredibly understood and cherished. I think that is what the day is really for.

***

I will end this with a final thought.

Some of you may be wondering, after reading the previous story, why she would ever want anything other than the man she sleeps next to every night; why would she want me? The answer is simple. Bear is perhaps the single most giving, intuitive, and genuiniely nice person I have ever had the grace to know.

On the other hand, I am, perhaps the single most cruel, unyielding, focused person that NE has ever known.

Would you choose to give up either one?

For the most part, people aren’t captured by an idea that is entirely foreign to them. The words that hit us the hardest, that stay with us, are those that manage to clarify and illuminate thoughts that we are already intimately familiar with. These words are a key that fit a lock we’ve been carving inside ourselves for a long time.

“That’s why the workshops were so life-transforming. We told each student the first impression he made. We weren’t afraid of hurting his feelings. We corrected his every gesture, phrase, and item of clothing, because we knew he wasn’t living up to his potential. None of us is. We get stuck in old thoughts and behavior patterns that may have been effective when we were twelve months or twelve years old, but now only serve to hold us back. And, while those around us may have no problem correcting our minor flaws, they let the big ones slide, because it would mean attacking who we are.

But who are we, really? Just a bundle of good genes and bad genes mixed with good habits and bad habits. And since there’s no gene for coolness or confidence, then being uncool and unconfident are just bad habits, which can be changed with enough guidance and will power.” ~ Neil Strauss, “The Game

***

Honesty, at this level, is difficult to handle. And even harder to expect from those close to you.

I think it is critical to have people in your life that aren’t afraid to kick you in the ass when you find yourself slipping into behavior that diminishes you. Surrounding yourself with the right people will force you be to a better, more complete person.

Note – I’m very stubborn, but I take criticism well. I listen carefully and if it fits in with the person I want to be, I’ll do something about it. But there is a line between direction and demand. Nothing puts my back up quite so quickly as people insisting I change. I want people around me who aren’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong; I’m not looking for people to reshape me into what they think is right.

Do you have someone in your life who pushes you to correct the big flaws, along with the minor ones?

This post is for the fourteen eighteen people who indulged my curiosity and voted.

What exactly is an autobiographal post? In my mind’s eye, I see two ways of defining which writing is autobiographical – writing that shows and writing that tells.

In one sense, my poetry, my stories, my random musings and scene descriptions – all of these describe me in a way that outright facts could never capture. In a very real sense, this is what drew me to this medium fifteen years ago (I’ve been doing this for half my life? I’m not sure how I feel about that…). Writing can distill the best and worst of a person and present it in a forum of peers who will judge you on what you do, not who you are. In this sense, all of my posts are autobiographical.

The other way to look at is in the more conventional sense of telling, rather than just showing. I’ve done a few of those, but you’ll have to go fairly far back in the archives to get to the meat of them.

There are a few posts of the ‘telling’ variety that I’ve considered writing for a while now. There are people, signficiant people, that I haven’t written about yet. There are important moments in my life that would benefit from undergoing the scrutiny of the written word.

And then there is the story of how I met NE.

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Yesterday, I learned two things from being in an accident bad enough to essentially total both cars.

– People do not expect honesty, especially from the guilty (the accident was mostly my fault and I didn’t try to hide the fact; both the other driver and the police were shocked by this).

– You come to understand, in a manner that leaves no doubt, how much you are loved.

***

The next part of the “A day in the life of…” story will be forthcoming this weekend.

…in my life? Well, yes. But no life is completely stable.

I speak of the server my e-mail and blog reside upon. It’s been compromised. And not in that slightly embarrassing way, but in a fashion that leaves me with sporadic e-mail access and the possibility of seeing the blog vanish into mysql heaven.

The server is being re-built, but my gracious host who provides this space for me has the audacity to have events in his life around Christmas that he believes are more important than keeping my blog up for a few people to read.

Which means that the blog will likely experience some instability for a few days yet and if you see an error when trying to reach this page, it isn’t because I’m gone.

I’ve got a few stories left to tell.