The Allegory of the Cave

Understanding people’s motivations is important to me. In the context of D/s, it is perhaps *the* most important thing. The thing is, us humans are a funny bunch. We’re both much simpler and much more complex then we often assume.

Let us start with why we are so complex and go with the following premise: most people don’t fully understand why they come to the decisions they do. Even those who spend time in self-reflection have difficulty separating the significant threads of desire from the constant barrage of wants and needs that we experience. And it is never a single thread. Our decisions are born in a cauldron of animal instinct, upbringing, institutionalized thought-patterns, education, experience, peer pressure, and pure chance.

Percentages of truth. There is no answer we give on why we do something that can cover the whole truth. If someone asks you why you ate at Happy Fortune’s, the Chinese take-out place down the street, you may answer:

1) Because you like Americanized Chinese food.
2) Because they make a mean fried rice dish.
3) Because it’s right down the street.
4) Because one of the girls working there is cute.
5) Because you’re too lazy to make your own dinner and it’s convenient.

…and have each of these answer be as true as the rest. If we are attempting to answer the question as honest as possible, we decide, internally and most often without thinking about it, which answer is the most true – the fact that was most influential in coming to our decision – and give that as the reason. More often then not, we’re not concerned with being that honest, so we will eliminate some of the possibilities – being lazy, liking Americanized Chinese food, ect – and whatever answer is left, that we feel most comfortable admitting, we give. Does this make the answer a lie? No. It is a truth. It’s just not the whole truth.

I demand a lot from my submissives. And one of those things is the whole truth. Which is tricky – because more often then not, they don’t know themselves all the reasons they have for making a decision. The human subconscious is quite good at hiding the way we tick. But in forcing ourselves to evaluate the presiding motives behind our decisions, we learn a great deal about how the human mind works – and not all of what we learn is particularly pleasant.

But why is this perhaps the most important tool for me in the context of D/s? Because by delving into these motivations with a specific person…I gain insight in how to bring their hungers and needs closer to the surface. And once you have mastered this…well, I can tell you that if someone were able to understand me at that level, even I would have difficulty resisting.