Let me present a couple of theoretical situations:
NE decides that after she has her first child, the nature of our relationship would need to change.
OR
NE decides that the best place for her is the west coast and that she needs to move to California.
—
She has the right to make either of these decisions. Not only does she have the right, it may even be in her best interest to do one or both.
But that wouldn’t isolate me from feeling upset about the decision. And not just upset – uncertain, unhappy, even angry. So despite it being her right to make the decision, despite perhaps being the right decision to make, you have these emotions to deal with.
This is the position I have placed NE in. Where I am right, but she isn’t necessarily, wrong.
I can’t apologize for it; to say I am sorry for doing the right thing would be a lie and would only add confusion to an already complex set of emotions. The trouble is that while I should not apologize for the decision itself, that does not mean I shouldn’t apologize when I make a mistake in the handling of the decision. And no matter how hard you try to handle a situation correctly, some situations simply don’t have a right answer.
The nature of life is change, it is inevitable that one day your situation with NE will change. That it is important to you to do the right thing, despite the hurt, anger, etc., is an indication of what a strong person you are, why you have her love and respect, in the first place.
While I’m not sure that some situations do not have right answers, they certainly don’t have easy, painless answers.
You’ll do the right thing, when and if the time comes.
Rarely does change have easy right or wrong answers.
As you say you might have handled the situation differently, there still would be the feeling that you both , in one way or the other, feel right. Just as you both may seem wrong to the other.
Life is difficult.. not easy .
Sad but true.
the right/wrong stuff is all relative.
It’s what you feel that counts.
but even that doesn’t help the decisions and situations to go the way you want.
you ride the wave…you follow the path you need to follow…you carve your own way.
that’s life.
Everything is relative – including how I feel. Haven’t you ever felt one way, had a discussion with someone, and abruptly had your feelings shift in an entirely different direction?
Life is carving a path; it *is* hard. But these are aspects of life I embrace. When I am not challenged, I am not happy (how Robert Frost of me, eh?).
It is not change I fear. It is the idea I won’t even mark the moment of lose that scares me.
In the end, the only thing we can reasonably expect from anyone is that they act in their own interests. To be upset, to want her to not change what she has with you, is yours. To do the best thing for her and her family is hers. In that respect, you’re both right. Que sera sera.
Keeping in mind that ‘selfish’ shouldn’t be pejorative… there are no unselfish actions.
You are two different people. Of course life is going to take different paths for each of you. Believe me, I know how you feel.