NE is reverent.
There are certain areas of her life that she considers sacred. Sacred in the way little girls view their favorite stuffed animals. Sacred in the way older girls should be able to remember their first love. Sacred in the way children trust their parents.
She is still able to trust like that. There is no one else I know who has managed to maintain the capacity to trust at this level through adolescence and young adulthood. This trust is not born of naivety or ignorance; NE has been burnt in her past. More than once, and quite harshly. She’s learned from her mistakes. But this place of innocence is a part of her. Unconsciously, she surrounds herself with people who will protect it.
But these sacred places, these sacred places she holds inside her, she trusts these sacred places with a completeness of self that I am almost made the less for in not having the ability to share. I have my own citadels of belief but they are born in the iron lines of will and experience. They are blood stained and hardened.
Her place under me is sacred to her. She sees my writing on here through a lens colored equal parts amused sarcasm and reverence. She doesn’t follow the links I have listed so carefully along the side (though I have never forbidden her to). When she comments, she comments anonymously (which is just silly, but I can’t find the heart to admonish her too severely for it). The only time she reads other blogs is when I assign her some specific entries to read. The last time I did this, I also requested she write her thoughts on each entry. Here are a couple of her responses.
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Ambient Storm – The Girls Gotta Have It.
My initial reactions: Fuck me, that was beautiful, perfect and fucking sexy.
This post was really well written. It was right to the point. And it was enough to stir jealousy and desire in any woman, but particularly me. I feel that way about sex more often than I ever have before, but it is still so fucking hard for me because I don’t cum like that. In truth, I think that a few years ago, I would have hated that post, but the fact is now I can let go like that with Bear. I am so glad. I have to admit, I want to try that; not exactly like that, but something similar.
My favorite part was her quick, solid and without even mentioning it, ability to let go. But with a more straight-forward reaction…this fucking post made me want to have sex or get-off right now. This was very erotic with even touching on the should I – shouldn’t I thing. It was really interesting because in a way it was about her control over herself. I love that.
Additionally, if I question your motives…were you trying to make me want to get a vibrator? I truthfully have never heard a more convincing argument.
Bliatz – Confessions of a Word Whore
God, she is so expressive. OK.
I am like her in some ways but not in others. First of all, the asking. I hate to be asked how I feel or something of the kind by you. The reason why is that I am not sure that I will answer correctly…I am such a first baby. Maybe I am not at the right place yet, maybe my answer will not make sense, maybe I don’t even have an answer to that. Having said all of that, it is still something that needs to happen. I agree with her that it does force me to understand myself, but between you and me, I think that most of it is a way for you to pin point more of where I am on the staircase.
Secondly, the commanding. Again, I don’t really like having to tell you that I am your slut…this in itself is not a turn-on for me (most of the time, although I have to agree that it is amazingly freeing and it does take away the guilt that you could feel. I cannot believe how self-observant she is!) I don’t think that it ever has been. But I am all about the reaction. I am all about the vehicle to take me over the edge.
Really, if I examine myself, I am all about the rewards for doing something well. What I do love about “dirty-talk” (I actually hate that phrase) between you and me is that it doesn’t feel like dirty talk. If I had to name an instance that I loved (I mean died…) when we were talking together, I would say after I am really turned on and under you. When I feel like explaining something to you in detail, like how it feels you are sucking on my nipples or how sexy it is when you hold me down, while you are holding me or rubbing me. That is so erotic. And truth be told, I am all about when you reward me verbally. It really makes me wet, and to me it absolves me from my sin.
NE
She is very lucky to have kept that, I myself am stugguling to do so at the moment, and I want to congradulate her on the fact that she has…..
Just a short note to say hi, i stopped by and enjoyed the raunchy posts xo