I’ve been sleeping too much.
I wake up, and I want to stay in bed.
I get up, take a shower, and want to lay down on my large leather chair and close my eyes.
I get to work and I want to listen to classical music and forget where I am.
Too much sleep is a classic sign of depression. But I’m not depressed. I know this because I became intimately familar with depression in my adolesence. I never tested the bottom of that dark river – never felt true despair. In fact, there was a certain comfort in the melancholic embrace it had – it gave me permission to withdraw. But it was a temporary retreat, a false promise of solace that lead nowhere.
So why am I so…unmotiviated? I am still engaged in life – I do things. But I have no great challenge, no great reason.
Decent well-paying job? Check.
Nice, if small, house? Check.
Good friends? Check.
Maybe I just need a vacation.
Come now… you know it as well as I do. You need something to awaken your senses, hm? The edge of pain and the edge of reason, to feel your heart race, and to have exotic tastes lingering on your tongue…
Ah yes, where is your muse?
Ive been there – no great challenge or motivation or reason.
Ever since my Mother died in 2002; a friend in 2005 and my brother nov. 2007 Ive spent weeks in depression. Not wanting to eat or get dressed; just wanting to sleep. I do not believe in taking anti-depressants but I do believe in praying to our Lord.
The silent urgings of our Lord, awakening me at 5:00am sometimes earlier, laughing out loud. It takes time but eventually I return to my normal self and the fact that bills need to be paid gets me motivated.
I had quit my job of 27+ years to care for my Mother who was ailing.
I have enough money to last me hopefully until 2012.
My over extended vacation is slowly driving me nuts.
Nut alas, I do interract with people.