Back from the city of sin, and now off to the beach for a few days. Enjoy!
NE is my best friend.
Our D/s relationship is not 24/7, but it is always there – like the leather flogger I have laid out so carefully on my bookcase: most visitors politely pretend to ignore it, but it’s mere presence puts everything else in my study in a slightly different light.
Several years ago I spent a great deal of time with a friend of mine who was just learning about the D/s lifestyle. I’m not extremely overt about what I do behind closed doors, but he knew about NE and I’s relationship. Once, almost casually, he mentioned that he planned ‘to break’ his girlfriend. He’s not a physically or emotionally violent person. I *know* he wouldn’t harm anyone. He was trying to convey the fact that he planned to take her down.
But words have power. Using the right words is very important.
I don’t like to break things. Bend? Oh yes. I’ll bend someone so far they *think* they might snap. But part of being dominant is knowing just how far someone can be pushed.
A broken toy is of no use. A broken friend even less so. A broken best friend? …
There are ways to reach inside someone and grip them with such intensity that their world is reduced to a single sensation. Force them outside themselves. Faster. Harder. Now. Now. NOW.
Moments like these can rip people apart in more then a metaphorical manner.
Relationships made only of these moments will burn brightly and quickly. Before NE, most of my relationships were made almost entirely of these moments. Long term relationships require a different strategy. I have to pace myself with her. I don’t have to break her to make her mine.
With her, I have different moments – those that I tease along slowly. Weeks, months, of planned disagreements, subtle touches, a random letter or two and then I descend and take what is mine. The heat has been brought to a boiling point and in a war of attrition, I win it all without having to burn her out. This method is much more insidious. And just as enjoyable.
Oh, I still enjoy a good hard mind-fuck once in a while. But I’ve also learned to enjoy the more gradual rewards of the longer view.
I’ve been with MFC for 19 years. We did not begin a D/s relationship until about a year ago. He owns my heart and now, he owns my submission. But we have so much more and so it means more when his hand is at my throat, or when I wear a leash that he holds tightly.
It is more than a flogging, the bite marks on the the back of my neck. His ownership of my sex is something deep and smouldering. Unlike the quick burn of a sparkler that fades, it is always there, burning and deep.
And oh yes, words do have power.
Interesting. Bliatz did a post recently about something similar.
There is a huge difference between being bent and being broken. Bliatz made the point that if your are going to break someone, you should put them back together afterwards.
It got me thinking, and I realize that the relationship I have is incredible and I perhaps take it for granted. My man is so loving and wonderful, so I don’t know any different. I never let another man dominate me before. I never trusted them enough to let them.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Trust is so important when you give control over to another.
I met this “dominant” in an AOL adult chatroom during the spring of 2006.
We talked about general things – enjoying the hot weather…etc..
May of 2007 he asked if he could instant message me. I agreed and we began to talk about the niceties , enjoying the hot weather…lol…
Then the topic turned to “sex” and what did I like….
I knew that he used “cuffs” and “blindfolds” but didnt know that he was into BDSM. There are certain aspects of this lifestyle that frighten me. Pain/humiliation/blindfolds are definite turnoffs. We decided to meet twice for lunch – he lives 35 minutes from me. In person he’s very serious and conservative and online very bold…lol…but than arent we all…He asked me some very personal questions and things he wanted me to do. Things that frightened me so I turned inward..didnt get online and stayed away from chatting for almost 2 months…I missed the comradrie with others so I returned to chatting and he wanted to know why we hadnt yet met for sex.
Well we finally did in September, we didnt get intimate; but I blew him.
The next time he came was in October the day after my birthday. We got naked and then tried to have intimate sex..it was too painful as it had been awhile since I had been with a man…I asked him to stop… That day was the last time time I saw him in person but we still occasionally chat online.