Contextual Integrity (or, why you are on your knees)

A few days ago I shared the audio clip that I posted just before Christmas with a friend.

A bit about LX: she came to me because she has a growing interest in D/s, one I’ve helped her explore. Although the exploration hasn’t been intensive, it has touched on mind play, bondage, and headspace. She’s a graduate student studying human rights and is someone I consider quite intelligent if a bit naive in certain areas.

Which makes her reaction to the audio clip rather fascinating. When I asked her to send me her thoughts on it, she transcribed the clip and added comments explaining what was wrong with it. These comments are, in her own words, rooted in feminism. This leaves me feeling rather conflicted.

If feminism is the idea that women are the equal of men, you can consider me a feminist. I do believe that because there are certain physiological and social differences between the sexes, there are activities where one gender has the advantage. In the end, however, it is the individual that decides the level of competency in any given area.

LX’s italicized comments follow the bolded sections they refer to. The red italicized sections are my response.

****

I become an extension to you
Or rather, you become an extension of me

I reacted to this statement because if I – hypothetically speaking- become an extension of you I become something less than you, something without an entity of my own. In patriarchy that’s the place that women have always been given, the place that has been reinforced by the system. Even when said in a context of consensual DS it is rather perplexing that it isn’t questioned but accepted as part of the “nature” of DS. It’s like the woman is erased and is only allowed to exists because of the man who allows her to exists as an extension of him at that!

Becoming an extension of a person is not a lessening. It is a focusing. When I am with someone, in a D/s setting, I am paring them down. I am removing all that is unessential and laying them bare. I am eliminating all distractions and forcing them to exist in a single moment. I become a conduit, a focal point. A lens.

I may say that they are becoming an extension of me, but the truth is that in serving me, I am serving them. It is one of those little ironies that make D/s so fascinating for me.

****

The spread of my fingers, the tightness of a grip wrapped around your pretty little throat

These are adjectives traditionally used (and quite often) to describe femininity, assigned to women. In patriarchy a woman isn’t a woman if she isn’t described, defined as “pretty,” “little.” These words also have socially assigned values of their own, and they seem to be adjectives that belong to someone who is learning, who needs to be taught, to a little kid.

You are correct – every word spoken or written comes with it a symbolic history. It is one reason I am so in love with words. In love with the right words.

You look for a patriarchal echo behind these words. In truth, I was aiming for a more sinister note. When I think ‘pretty little’ neck, it is in the context of all the bad things that can happen to pretty little things. Perhaps your thoughts on the adjectives provide a deeper explanation for why they come to be associated with the numerous scenes played out in tragic consequence.

But this is a lesson in how each of us relates to the words we use. If I were to tell my boss that she is a slut, I would get an entirely different reaction than if I say the same thing to my date who was currently begging me to finally let herself go over that edge I’ve kept just out of her reach.

****

I can make you understand that every breath that you take is a gift from me

The first part of this phrase I find very condescending. The second bolded phrase, my breaths are not gifts from anyone, they are mine. Even in this position, when someone has power to not allow me to breath that person has taken something that does not belong to him/her. They are not gifts, they have been appropriated or misappropriated. Again, this reflects a lot of male/female relationships in patriarchy that say women are dependent on men even to breathe.

If you remove the power exchange undergone in these moments of D/s, if one individual is not assuming authority over the other in a physical, mental, or emotional manner, than we are no longer speaking of D/s.

What difference, gender? Although it is possible to root the power exchange in the male/female patriarchal dynamic you so often speak of, that is a choice between partners. To believe that is the sole basis for power exchange is to ignore the fact that this exchange plays out between same-sex couples; that it plays out in reverse, with a female dominant; that some couples switch, depending on mood and nclination.

****

Which is why I leave you no choice, I’m just going to take it from you
I am going to take this and everything else from you

It’s not enough that you’re going to take “it” from me, but you’re going to take everything else so that there isn’t anything else left behind without you willing it. Again, the negation of a woman’s own self. Even in the realm of the sexually consensual everything else will be taken from here, her self will be vanquished.

We live our lives under constant pressure. Even those of us who keep it simple. We all have responsibilities we cannot ignore without consequence. Ignore work and you jeopardize food, housing, and creature comforts. Ignore friends and family and you jeopardize those relationships that provide you with emotional support. Ignore your hobbies and interests and you jeopardize your own mental health. Everything in life, even those things that by nature are meant to provide you with release, have burdens of their own.

My gift is that of freedom. I will take everything from you and then I will provide you the space and acceptance to just be.

****

I want you to lay there with the weight of the hand around your neck.

It’s not enough to take “it” and everything else, you have to impose your will on the woman.

Yes, I will take everything from you.

And then, if you are good, I will replace it with something that will make you aware of how nerve endings can be played to a music as terrifying as it is thrilling. I will replace it the promise of pleasure that lingers for weeks, a second self, a silhouette of sinful indulgence.

Wake Up, Wake Up

Wake up, wake up
no time to wait
so much to do, if it’s not too late.

Where’s your keys, where’s your car
your own two feet can’t take you too far

Wake up, wake up
no time to waste
you’re almost thirty, have to find a mate.

Gotta marry, gotta make the grade
So many to love, lest love degrade.

Wake up, wake up
no time to consider, too much’s at stake
A few more tumbles, a couple of kids to make.

You must raise them to be just like you
talking shirts and super glue

Wake up, wake up,
you’re almost dead
pass on your wisdom from all the books you’ve read

You must be a teacher, a mentor, to lead,
Pass on your life, it’s your life they need.

Wake up, wake up,
now it truly is too late
you’re gone now, it’s over, but for curiosities sake –

Were you happy? Were you merry? Did you smile enough?
Did you make a life out of life, or was it just filled with…stuff?

Hunter’s Game

I admit it. I am a predator. I am at my best when I let myself enjoy the hunt. When I am testing, teasing, and tempting my prey. I am not ashamed to take advantage of naivete and innocence. If I find weakness, I exploit it. I make a study of knowing points of entry. I notice the shiver when my fingers linger on your neck while taking your coat.

I remember when you tell me how your last lover got you into bed with a rose and a promise.

I smile when you say you don’t kiss on the first date, because you’re touching my hand while you say it.

I watch the way you cross your legs when discussing your favorite way to be touched.

***

I’ve been watching you.

No, don’t look behind you.

You won’t see me there.

I am in your pulse.

Your breathing.

I am your need to experience life in a way that awakens you.

[audio:MassiveAttack_TheHunterGetsCaptureByTheGame.mp3]
Massive Attack, The Hunter Gets Captures By the Game

“A day in the life of…” – Part 6

Serena

After putting Evelyn to bed, Jaedin had dinner and then retired to his study with a glass of wine – which is where Marcus found him, asleep, the next morning. With some trepidation, Marcus woke his master up – but he had little to fear, for Jaedin came awake with an almost manic energy. He jotted down a quick note, handed it to Marcus with instructions to deliver it, and then left to wash up and prepare for the day.

****

“What color were her eyes?”

Marcus stumbled as his foot caught on the edge of grey stone that made up the path he walked. He wobbled for a moment, regained his balance, and stared up at Jaedin with a startled expression, “Eyes?” Walking down a steep incline is difficult to start with – and doing it with grace takes a certain finesse, a quality Marcus had yet to attain.

Marcus had returned from his errand with a reply letter in less than an hour, just as Jaedin was finishing up with Evelyn. Jaedin had exchanged his black jacket for a warmer grey coat and called for his carriage to be readied. He then had Marcus join him as he left the house to walk the stone pathway that led down to the carriage house. The stone path cut slow switchbacks down the hill the lighthouse was built upon. After leaving the last curve of the first switchback, Jaedin turned his head towards Marcus and smiled, “Yes, Marcus. I assume she had a pair of eyes? To see this alleged crime? Of course, it is always possible that she knew you were coming and blinded herself out of fear that you’re well-known good looks would have her falling madly in love…”

“…green! Green, Master Jaedin.” Marcus’ face flushed red and dropped his gaze.

Jaedin hid his next smile by turning his attention to the navigating the switchback they had come to, “Green. You know, Marcus, now is the time to learn how to study women. In a few years you will be a stuttering tongue-tied mess in front of them. Tell me, did you learn anything useful from her while she wrote her reply?”

“She did not…appear to be in good spirits.”

Jaedin retrieved the reply letter from his coat pocket, where he had placed it upon receiving it from Marcus, and shook it open. With practiced ease, Jaedin moved down the path, one eye on the ground and one on the letter in his hand. He read it through and then replaced it in his coat. “Interesting. Looks as if the Constable did a reasonable job of interviewing the eyewitness. Serena was kind enough to go over the events again for me and they match up with the Constable’s version.”

Marcus had fallen behind, his small legs not quite able to keep pace with Jaedin’s. Distracted, he paused and did a small pirouette at the edge of one of the stepping stones, showing a moment of grace as he balanced himself on one foot, “Did…did we learn nothing then, Master Jaedin?” He found the next step and hurried to keep up.

“Oh, we have learned a thing or two. The first is that Serena, while not exactly friends with Miranda, does has some affection for the girl. Her handwriting is nervous and she is careful to give all of the details she can remember without embellishing them. Which means she is likely telling the truth about what she saw. In addition, she adds a few trivial facts in the hopes some sense can be made of what happened: the caramelized pears Master Kytrell was so fond were freshly made that day and in their usual spot on a shelf near the fireplace…they were low on wood for the stove…some of the fireworks purchased earlier in the week had gone off during the fire…” Jaedin’s voice trailed off as they came to the end of the path. He turned to address Marcus only to find the boy barreling down the last steps of the path; in an effort to keep up, the boy had picked up with some momentum and was having trouble slowing down. Catching the boy before he could speed past, he shook his head, “Never rush, boy. It makes you appear impatient. And impatience implies you lack control. Come along then, we have appointments to keep.”

The carriage stood ready for them a few yards from the end of the path. After climbing inside, Jaedin lightly rapped the roof of the carraige with his walking stick and the driver snapped the hourses into action. The trip to Master Kytrell’s manor house took just over an hour.

“A day in the life of…” – Part 5

Evelyn

Jaedin stepped into the lighthouse room and walked to Evelyn. She raised her head, green eyes meeting his. There was no fear in her. Stripped, bared, she could hold nothing back. Her vulnerability left no place for fear.

The right balance of pull along the ropes holding her aloft kept muscle strain to a minimum – but she had been there for hours. Jaedin could see her fatigue in the slight trembling along her arms. Jaedin brushed strands of brown hair away from her face, fingertips tickling her cheek. His voice, when he spoke, was soft, “Why are you here, Evelyn?”

Evelyn raised her head just a bit further. Her eyes had the clarity of molten glass. “To serve…myself.” The words slipped free without hesitation, a reflex as deep as breathing.

He nodded once, “And how best to serve yourself?” His fingers drew down against her chest, parting so that thumb and pinky each found the starting curve of a breast.

Her breathing caught, and her eyes closed as she focused on his hand, the way it continued its path lower, to her stomache, palm resting at the top of her abdomen. “By serving you, by serving you…” the words were breathed more than spoken and she shuddered as he turned his hand and slid it between her thighs, fingers curling up to feel the searing heat of her.

Jaedin spoke just a single word, but it was enough, “Yes.” She responded to it by rolling her hips forward, swaying in the ropes to press his hand deeper against her. Jaedin wrapped his free arm around her, hand coming to rest on the small of her back. He drew her into an embrace close enough for him to rest his cheek against the smooth heat of her breasts.

He listened to her heartbeat as two of his fingers slid inside of her and moved along the top, finding the slightly rough spot just a few inches inside. It did not take long, body shuddering and moving under his rhythmic touch, before she came hard into his hand, her thighs tensing and relaxing but unable to close on him. She was open, restrained, and completely at his mercy.

Jaedin remained there for a moment, fingers inside of her, listening to the music of her heartbeat, waiting for it to slow before slipping his fingers free. Taking his time, he knelt on one knee and released each of her ankles from the leather embrace of his manacles. Standing, he pressed himself fully against her and then pushed her back until he felt the weight of her body resting against him. Carefully he released each of her wrists and felt her sag into his arms.

Silently, he lifted her, cradling her naked form in his arms, and carried her down the stairs and to her room. Settling her into bed, he drew soft white sheets over her and smoothed the hair away from her face. She had not stirred since he taken her down, and he smiled to see her now turn her face towards his hand, lips brushing the palm. “Rest Evelyn. For tommorow will see your final test.”

He left her there, in the dark, with a single candle as company.

Accidental Honesty

Yesterday, I learned two things from being in an accident bad enough to essentially total both cars.

– People do not expect honesty, especially from the guilty (the accident was mostly my fault and I didn’t try to hide the fact; both the other driver and the police were shocked by this).

– You come to understand, in a manner that leaves no doubt, how much you are loved.

***

The next part of the “A day in the life of…” story will be forthcoming this weekend.

“A day in the life of…” – Part 4

Evelyn

The top of the lighthouse was a hexagonal room of glass designed to protect both the source of the lighthouse’s powerful revolving light and the light keeper who maintained it. The glass making up five of the six walls of the room was bordered in bronze. The sixth wall was not a wall at all, but a glass door. Two inches thick, the glass was strong enough to handle the chaotic ocean weather of the cliff but remained clear enough that it did not significantly hinder the strength of the light. While the revolving lamp in the center of the room took up most the space, there remained a three-foot wide path around the perimeter.

Within this space, facing out towards the glass, a woman was held suspended by rope.

Although this room had been built for a single purpose, Jaedin had made some adjustments. Spaced every foot and a half, hooks circled the ceiling above the path bordering the lighthouse lamp; a matching set of hooks followed in precision along the ground. Four of these hooks were currently in use and had, attached to them, long strands of rope that ended in leather manacles. Positioned correctly, these manacles could be used to hold a human figure spread-eagled above the ground. A figure such as Evelyn’s, the woman currently held locked into a spread-eagled position a good foot off the ground.

Jaedin paused on the last step of the spiraling staircase. A woman’s beauty can be captured in her silhouette; the hazy borders of the female form simplified in a manner that bypasses surface desires and strikes a much deeper chord. Shading gives definition to curves of breast and hip, depth to the concave shadows at the apex of her thighs.

He watched the suspended figure take each slow breath. The rising and falling of her chest in a rhythm that was both calming and stirring. She had the well-exercised but not quite lean body of someone who was used to working outside but knew the luxuries of a good home. Her dark brown hair draped over her bare upper back; her head was lowered and her bangs hid her in a waterfall of brown that obscured the details of her face. He didn’t need to see the details to remember well the dark green of her eyes.

He thought back on the circumstances that had brought her here. The daughter of a small town’s mill owner, she was cursed with enough beauty to attract the attention of a wealthy merchant. The arranged marriage brought her father enough mercantile contacts to increase his wealth twofold, but had brought her only the grief of a loveless relationship. This proved to have some unforeseen consequences; on her wedding night, every male within three miles – including her husband, the town mayor and several prominent clergyman – experienced a quite sudden, and rather dismaying, loss of ardor. Such a blow to male pride is hard to swallow no matter how forgiving the partner. This continued for several months (coinciding with each attempted consummation of the marriage). The extent, nature and source of the problem would have gone undiscovered (being of a subject not much admitted to, much less discussed) had her husband not complained loudly to her father in one of the town’s local pub. Looks were shared, connections were made, and an ultimatum was provided: she would need to learn to control her gift or have her wedding nullified before being exiled from the town.

Her father had sent her to Jaedin with a plea and several bags filled with gold. Neither meant much to Jaedin, but the sadness in the girl’s eyes had convinced him to take her in.

“A day in the life of…” – Part 3

Myriel

“Impossible.”

“I assure you, Master Jaedin, it is not impossible.” She paused, considering her next words carefully, “Now, I know you were the one who broke her, but the evidence is…”

Jaedin raised his right hand, “Let us stop there, Constable.” There was no friendliness in his demeanor now, no amusement in his eyes, or smile behind his words. “First, I do not break people, and I will ask you to refrain from using that term while in my house. Second, I did indeed train Miranda. And I can assure you, on my honor, that such training as I instilled in her remains to strong effect.”

“The facts say otherwise.” She tried to keep her tone flat, but she clearly enjoyed the fact she had thrown Jaedin slightly off step. She reached into the pocket of her black leather overcoat and drew out a folded parchment. Nimble fingers unfolded it quickly, “An eyewitness places Miranda near the kitchen at the time of the incident.”

A single arched eyebrow, “She’s the cook. That’s what cooks do. They work in kitchens.”

“It was four o’clock in the morning.” She made a show of reading the parchment, but Jaedin knew she had these details memorized. This was her fourth year as Constable and there were reasons she had retained the position.

“And?“ Jaedin adjusted the cuffs of his jacket, ensuring they were perfectly straight, “Seeing as both Master Kytrell and your eyewitness were up and about at the same time, that does not appear to be so very unusual.”

The parchment crinkled under Myriel’s fingers with the slow tightening of her grip. “Be that as it may, she had no reason to be in the kitchen at that hour. Master Kytrell was known to have insomnia. Carmeled pears, a favorite of his, were kept ready in the kitchen in case he was couldn’t sleep and wanted a snack.”

“And the eyewitness? Did this person give a reason for being up so early? Does this eyewitness have a name?”

Myriel folded the parchment back up again, “She did and she does. Her name is Serena, and she was gathering firewood for the kitchen’s stoves. Breakfast started early in the Kytrell household and the stoves needed to be hot by six.” The parchment was replaced within her jacket. “Miranda, as the cook, did not start baking until six. She had no reason to be in the kitchen at four.”

Jaedin finished buttoning up his jacket, “Did Miranda give a reason for her presence?”

“No. She refuses to speak to anyone.”

“Anyone?”

“…except…perhaps, you.”

There was silence for several minutes before Jaedin nodded slowly, “I see.” He turned away from Myriel and spoke to Marcus, who had remained close at hand. “Tell Kiera I will be down around eight for a late dinner. I am going to spend some time with Evelyn.” Jaedin took several steps towards the archway leading to the lighthouse side of the manor and then stopped, as if remembering something. He spoke without turning around, “That will be all, Constable. Thank you for delivering the news personally. I will make time early tommorow to speak to Miranda and will let you know if anything pertinent is uncovered. I will leave it to you to arrange the appropriate access for the interview.”

Without waiting for a response, Jaedin finished his trip across the foyer and disappeared through the archway. Myriel stood staring after Jaedin. Her quiet frustration at his abrupt departure left her angry and slightly confused.

Marcus’ gentle touch at her elbow startled her, “Constable? Would you like some hot tea before you leave?”

Her eyes flickered to the boy and she gave a sharp shake of the head. She left the foyer without another word.