seven years

She never saw my face.

Seconds after stepping into my living room, I had her pressed against the front door, my hand under her dress to find her bare and wet. My fingers slid inside her easily, a coarse invasion made in silence. Her head fell back against the door and she struggled to keep her legs from buckling.

I dragged my fingers free, slick and warm in evidence of her desperate need.

I led her to the stairs. Blindfolded, it can be hard to maintain balance in high heels but she managed to stay upright in her ascent. I took her into my study and closed the door.

Her dress concealed a tight black corset and stockings. Dress pooled around her feet, I pressed her across the desk, ass raised. My hand came down in a solid slap that left her ass pink and then followed with another that left it red. She had small hips, and I practically lifted her off the ground when I pulled her back against me, nestling myself along the length of her ass. She laid herself along the top of the desk, raising her ass so that her naked sex slid roughly across my jeans.

Seven years since she had last been touched. Seven years since her husband had made love to her. Seven years where her only solace was found in her own fingers and imagination.

I pulled her away from the desk and threw her onto the large leather chair, legs hooked over the arms. I lowered my face between her thighs, tasting her, two fingers impaling her again while my tongue found the right tempo across her clit to have her crying out, hands clenched on the sides of the chair. Her cries of pleasure reached an apex and then slid into tears of another sort. I waited, lightly running my fingers across her thighs, giving her the moments she needed.

Then I started again.

New York, New York

I'm going to be in New York the first full week of August; I've got plans each night, but need to find something to occupy myself during the day.

I'll be staying in a hotel on Broadway; other then the Metropolitan Museum of Art (which I already plan to spend a great deal of time in), and the general touristy-crap (which I plan to avoid) what else is there to do in New York?

independence

Why is it that we fear those parts of ourselves we least understand? Why do we let others pre-define how we should feel about certain ideas? Strength is accepting the freedom we have and finding the distance needed to understand that the voices we listen to all have their own needs and wants; that no matter how kind and well-intentioned they are, no matter how professional and educated they sound, they cannot separate their own desires from the message they carry. No one can. The voice you most need to listen to is the one hardest to hear. Your own.

Hate me.

Hate me.

Hate me for understanding your need; under me, there are no excuses to hide behind, no doubts to hold you back, no fears to blind you. My belief will sustain you. My faith will guide you. My acceptance will free you.

Hate me for using your own body against you. My hands will learn the language of your cries. My lips and teeth will coerce secrets from your tender skin. I will be relentless, plying you open until your entire body betrays you, allowing you to enjoy the sweet indignities found in complete capitulation.

Hate me for having no mercy; my desire to watch you slip over the edge is matched only by my sense of cruelty; the delicate balance that keeps you helplessly teetering at the cusp is just the beginning, for I will see you fall again and again until I am satisfied you have suffered enough.

Hate me for making you remember; hate me for reminding you of all those feelings you had worked so hard to bury; hate me for awakening a need you thought was no longer there.

Hate me for not backing down; I will call your bluff and accept your challenge; I will have you on your knees before you have time to reconsider your ill-advised defiance; my judgment will be swift, if not severe, and you will taste me in each reminder I've left upon your skin.

But hate me most for the ending, when I brush away the tears and tell you the dream is over.

…and at least one day spent practicing knots.

What have I been up to?

For those playing along at home, it should come as no surprise that I recently attended a Pearl Jam concert. It was, undoubtedly, the best concert I've attended to date.

This summer, I have several small vacations planned. I've already spent a few days at the beach where I found that water temperature can dramatically change from one day to the next. The first day in the ocean, the waves were amazing but the water had us literally shivering. The second day saw tamer waves but the water temperature was perfect.

In early July I'll be heading back to the lake house, one of my favorite vacation spots (due in large part to the excellent friends I go with). They've added a pool table and air hockey since we were there last, and I'm quite keen to lose my shirt at billiards.

The first week in August will see me in New York for four days, attending a play or musical on each (Wicked, Passing Strange, Young Frankenstein and South Pacific) and I plan to spend at least one afternoon exploring the Metropolitan Museum of Art. My recent fascination with Opera Seria and Belle Canto operas led me to the NY Metropolitan Opera house's website, and I noticed they are playing Don Giovanni – which may require that I take another trip to NY early next year to see it.

I have a mountain trip scheduled for October, and I plan to set a date for a mile high hand-gliding excursion sometime before winter hits. I'd also like to find time for a motorcycle trip in September, taking a few days to drive westward and get some serious mileage onto my bike.

And those are just the vacations I have planned. 

The real trouble happens in between… 

Mr. Desmond Tells His First Story

“Why?” I could barely get the word out. But having said it, the rest tumbled out on its own, “Why do this?”

He contemplated me, comfortable in the plastic courtyard chair as he was comfortable in his suit or his smile. “I met Mrs. Lovell today.” 

Mr. Desmond's First Story:

She was arriving home from grocery shopping. I met her at the door. “Miss Lovell, we have not met yet, but I am a great fan.” 

With an arm clutching the groceries, she turned the key and opened the door, “My husband isn’t home, you’ll need to come back after six if you wish to speak to him about his book,” Believing this ended the conversation, she reached for the handle to draw the door closed. 

“But I am not a fan of your husband, Mrs. Josephine.” 

“Then why are you here?” 

“For you.” 

 “Are you sure that is what you want?” My fingers tightened around her neck, cradling her throat in a grip that held her in place. 

“yes…yes…yes.” Each word a gasped whisper, a silent plea. I finally took mercy on her  and slid my grip along her neck to the back, burying fingers in hair. Tugging her head back, her gaze was forced upwards. I leaned over, lips barely finding her own, the feather kiss of a wish that moves from lips to chin, to neck like a trail of tears across naked skin. 

Leaning over her kneeling body, my teeth find the heat of her pulse and I am forced to stop, to taste this spot, teeth grazing across sensitive skin. Its more instinct then knowledge now, fingers tight against the back of her hair and teeth biting in, leaving marks that won’t soon fade, and a gasp of pain and pleasure that rings in my ears like burning need.

— 

“What makes you think any of those women are real? Maybe I just made up their names that day.” Mr. Desmond asked.

I shook my head, “No, they must be real. Otherwise you were simply making those stories up so that I would…” I fell silent and looked down at my hands.

Meeting Mr. Desmond

An old story, written from a different perspective.

— 

When people discuss the approach of dusk, it is often described in one of two days: the gradual shading in of evening, the passing of a day in a fashion that is imperceptible even while you are watching it – or, the dramatic change from light to day much like pulling a slate of sheet rock across the sky.

The darkness that fell on the small town of Jacobs was neither of these. Darkness came down like rain, a cessation of light in hazy scratches drawn across the sky, in some places pooling into tiny black lakes, and in other running in thin lines down the street like run-off from a painter’s brush. 

My name is Josephine.

The first time I saw Mr. Desmond, I thought it accidental.

I was holding a rose between my fingers. Its soft petals of bright red had an almost hypnotizing affect on me. The mid-afternoon breeze caused the petals to rustle and I teased them lightly with my fingertips; they felt like satin against my skin, a sweet sensation followed by a rather unexpected pain as my fingers drifted too low and caught on a sharp thorn.

Startled, I let the rose slip my fingers.

While bending over to retrieve it, I caught a glimpse, just at the edge of my vision, of a man in dark green and black. Something about him caught my interest. It wasn't his face, which most often catches my attention, nor his eyes, which are one of my great weaknesses. No, it was something in the way he held himself, a solidity of confidence as he crossed the street opposite the flower stand I stood beside. I turned towards the street to get a better look, but the swelling lunch crowd swept away all trace of him. Or … almost all trace; there was an indelible path woven through the milling people, as if people were shifting in some Jungian way around a single person.

Curious, I followed him into the crowd.

My next glimpse of him was more deliberate. He had paused at a street corner to light a cigarette. The silver of his lighter flashed in the evening sun, and the way in which he took that first drag – as if his entire focus was on that single action – stopped me in my tracks.

It gave me an opportunity to actually look at him. Dark black hair atop a face that would be considered serious in business room, but on a street-corner appeared more like concentrated intent. Not overly tall, nor noticeably short, his clothes rested comfortable on his frame. Not an easy feat  – wearing a black sports jacket hanging over dark brown slacks on a mid-summer afternoon – but one he could carried off quite well.

I stood watching the cars rush past him at the intersection; it appeared to me that he wasn’t there waiting to cross but waiting on…what? I was so absorbed in studying him, that it took me a moment to realize he was looking back at me.

Too startled to be embarrassed, I just stared back at him. I lost him a moment later in the dizzying speed of the cars flashing across the intersection. I sighed, shaking the day-dream from my head.

I could have followed him further, but I followed my hunger instead. I knew well the food served at numerous street cafes, but I took my time in browsing through their culinary offerings, I was well on my way to forgetting the intriguing stranger, when I felt a hand lightly brush my shoulder. I turned from a café menu, to find myself face to face with the man I had followed.

“Did you drop this?” He asked, holding aloft a rose I recognized as the one I had held earlier.

“That….I….” I paused to pull my thought together, “Yes, I did.”

He smiled, "May I join you for lunch?”

Ten minutes later saw us sitting at a small round table in the courtyard of the café. Other then sharing names (he shared his last, I, my first) we had yet to establish any meaningful conversation. “So…Mr. Desmond. What brings you to the small town of Jacobs? I don’t believe I’ve seen you before.”

“Ah, yes.” He waved the young waitress over, glancing to her name-tag, “Malory. What a beautiful name.” The girl’s blush almost reached her eyes. “A cup of your strongest coffee please, for me. And for Josephine here…”

“Ice tea. No sugar, please.” I realized I was nervously tapping my fingers on the cool glass of the table and stilled my hand. Mr. Desmond had set the rose upon the glass surface of the table, and I distracted myself by rolling it over gently, feeling the smooth green stem between my fingers.

“I am here to meet some people. Three, in fact.” said Mr. Desmond.

“Family?”

“No.”

“Friends?”

“No…well, not exactly.’ He chuckled. “They’ve never really met me before, which would make the prospects of friendship rather difficult at the moment.”

I like to consider myself a rather sharp person, but I found myself confused, “I’m not sure I understand…”

“No, of course you don’t.” His words eased into the space my confusion had left. He raised his left hand, holding up three fingers, “Mrs. Lovell.” One finger down. “Angela Beckett,” The second finger folded in. “And Josephine.” The last finger went down. He spoke each name like he was sharing a secret with an intimate of his. I hardly knew the man, yet he acted with an assumed familiarly that left me more then a little uncomfortable. 

I gathered my wits, “But to what purpose do you want to meet…”

His long fingers lifted the rose from the table. “It’s what I do. Meeting people.” He gently draw one of the petals from the rose, resting it atop of finger like an offering.

A moment of  silence. “Why are you telling me this?”

Eyes the color of grey skies regarded me in silence. His finger tilted slightly and the petal slid clear of his finger, tumbling gracefully to rest atop my hand like an angel kiss.

“Because it is what you want.” I felt his eyes on my skin, as if the weight of his gaze was something physical, “Your capture will be the easiest, because it will be your own curiosity that drives you there.” He leaned forward, resting the rose on the mirrored surface between them. “You will be here tomorrow, and the day after, to hear each step of their seduction. Until we reach a point, the climax of the story, where you want to know,” the pause was a smile, small, controlled, “…how I take them. And you will know the price for the story.”

There was nothing left but silence for me. I was unable to speak while he carefully removed his wallet and placed several crisp bills on top of the table between the wine-glass and his untouched brandy. I wasn’t even able to watch him as he turned and left the café.

I did know the price. Worse. I feared I might be willing to pay for it.

I felt the first drop of rain.