I asked my dear friend NE to come up with five questions she would like to know about me. NE has known me for a long time and knows me better then…well, better then anyone else, and I was curious as to what she would ask. She sent me her questions the next day. I was not dissapointed. Here are the first two.
1. Why is it that you are uninterested in reading books like Sleeping Beauty or watching films like 9 1/2 Weeks?
Honestly? They just aren’t entertaining enough for me. In the case of 9 1/2 weeks, I’ve seen most of the movie in bits and pieces. Some very nice scenes, but it’s the pieces that are intriguing, not the whole. The Sleeping Beauty books? I’ve read passages, and again, some very interesting scenes. But the story doesn’t encourage me to keep reading.
In general, they just don’t excite me. People excite me. Human, real, naive, smutty, sinning, people. Acts, alone, just don’t cut it. I need to connect to the person, even if it is just an illusion I am connecting to. The people populating Sleeping Beauty and 9 1/2 weeks are there just to enact elaborate scenes of kink. Remember, I haven’t actually read or watched the entirety of either, so it is very probable that I have not given them a chance to come to life. But the glimpses I have seen have not managed to sink their hooks into me.
Let me offer those books and movies that are in the same vein but also manage to engage me.
Dangerous Liaisons: a movie whose erotic moments are character-driven. Vicomte Sébastien de Valmont’s manipulation of those around him is reprehensible, Machevellian, and utterly captivating.
Kushiel’s Dart: this book and the Sleepy Beauty books share a similar setting – a fantastical land wherein there is a culture that indulges in kink. The difference is in the characters; Phedre is a heroine. Sleeping Beauty…is not.
It’s also why I no longer read Anita Blake books. I love a well-written sex scene. But reading about sex between uninteresting people is like watching generic porn: good for just one thing.
Which doesn’t mean I won’t eventually read/watch them. I just need a bit of momentum before I tackle them (or I’ll stop half-way through).
2. How have your tastes changed in women (submissives) over the last few years from when you started? What would you really look for in one?
My tastes haven’t changed all that much in the last few years.
The largest difference is that as my relationship with my first submissive has grown, I have a better understanding of what I can expect from a serious long-term D/s relationship. In short, I’ve been spoiled. Overall, the things I want haven’t changed. I still want a creative, intelligent, challenging individual. She must have some confidence in herself. Being submissive does not mean being a push over. On the other hand, while a bit of stubbornness is, dare I say, almost endearing in that bratty-sort-of-way, rigid unreasoned thinking is not attractive to me. I expect my submissive to be willing to try new things – she must allow herself to be guided (nudged, pushed, driven, as I please) into areas she would not explore on her own. Above all, she must be dynamic; life changes, and we have to be willing to adapt.
What appeals to me in less serious relationships is both easier, and more difficult, to define. My craving to unravel the threads of people has often led me to explore niches and hidden places I would not otherwise have considered. Everyone is unique, and I love peeling away the layers to find the core of a person. The process differs with each person and there is immense enjoyment in testing the limits of each, finding what it takes to find the center.