When I first began writing for this blog a year ago, it was for one real purpose – to have an excuse to write. I love writing. I love the power of the written word. And I love what it makes of me.
It was to be an experiment. Could I post consistently for a year? Write enough, speak interesting enough, believe enough, to do it? More than a diary, it became a sampling of my private life. The things I think of, the places my mind goes.
And I have succeeded, I believe.
I’m an intensely private person, which may seem at odds with having a blog detailing my private thoughts. A blog that anyone, with the proper inclination, can read. I hoard my time and my thoughts selfishly. But sharing these words, here, with you, is different. It isn’t the anonymity, which is a thin veil at best. It is the potential of this space.
So what’s next? I’ve debated closing shop, moving on and finding other diversions. Because certain elements are so deeply ingrained in me, I fear some of my themes grow repetitive – that I’m not learning anything new in the constant examination of those ideas that fascinate me.
This blog sphere moves fast; I’ve lost count of the bloggers I’ve grown to love who came and went in the last year. And I wonder how quickly it would take for the sands of the network to wash up over my words.
But no, I don’t think I am done. Not yet.
I am going to take a small month-long break. To determine what it is I am to be in the coming year.
In the meantime, I invite you, you who read me daily or occasionally, to leave a note on the door while I am gone. You’ll see the picture just above this post. Tell me why you read my words. Tell me why you write your own. Ask me a question, or make a suggestion. Share a memory inspired by something you read. Hate me, adore me. This is your chance to speak to the wolf and the man who shares its skin.
I promise to answer each note upon my return.
And then decide who I am going to be next.
Hmm. I can understand the month leave of absence. It helps to center and evaluate the process.
Are you leaving none of your blog up while you are gone?? No words to listen to on a cold dreary night? Now that will be a shame!
Your writing is so beatiful .. spoken and written .. it is hard to imagine not reading something from your blog now and then.
But.. you need a break. Glad you are willing to consider coming back. It would be a great loss (to me) if you did not!
Over the months reading many journals/blogs, somehow I manage to get a smile or chuckle, especially in the comment box ! So I guess that is why. Your writing is written in such a way that you could explore many avenues to it, so there goes. I could write my own but reading yours, it says what I wanted to only beutifully, so I could use my time on something else … he he
i just stumbled across your blog a couple of weeks ago, and i loved it right away. i like reading about you and ne the most, how she is married to a great guy, but still has a need for you; it speaks to me on so many levels. it seems simple to understand (the way you explained it at the end of the valentine’s post was succinct and even poignant), but very difficult to implement in a way that leaves no one hurt. i would love to hear more about the conversation you had in front of the dorm that day with ne’s future husband. and just how you’ve negotiated the terms of your relationship since then. quite frankly, it sounds like my idea of heaven. the best of both worlds, for her anyway. tell me, is it?
Quite simply, I read here because your words speak to me in ways no others can. Enjoy your break and hopefully you will decide to return.
I read you because you’re sexy, smart, sensual and quirky more often than most. I think you spend great swaths of time thinking about why you do do what you do when you do it, and I find this thinkiness about your kinkiness (and other nesses) to be a rare quality.
I read you because you have really awful typos from time to time.
I read you because you have a collection of knives and like to use them.
I read you because when I do, I can imagine you in your crimson lair with your sci-fi novels and your solitude. I can feel your pain and your pleasure and I feel complicit in both.
I read you because you’re a total goofball dressed in a wolf suit. And I like that about you.
I read you because I like you, the you I know from your words and nothing else.
I read your site because you remind me of someone, long ago. Someone I wish I’d been brave enough to understand, when I still had the chance to play with him.
I’ve been having some blog blahs myself. Writing them, reading them, eh…(shrugs). It seems to be a general theme.
I wonder how much of it is due to the fact that blogging at first is new and kind of naughty, showing our secret selves, but then it becomes more of a chore (at least to me), to try to be sexy when I’m not, to come up with things to talk about when I feel crappy/depressed.
It seems there is always something that catches my eye that renews my need to write. Today I discovered something called “pig pumping” and I’m having a hell of a time figuring out what the hell it is.
Just when I think I’ve run out of the things to say…
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just a moody bitch and sometimes I write, sometimes I don’t. That is who I am. Either people will come back or they won’t. It’s a “love me for who I am” kind of deal.
You, my dear, would leave a gaping chasm in my fantasy life if you were to shut down. I agree with both Chelsea’s and Nancy’s words. Your words, sometimes dark and cryptic, sometimes reflective and moody, always touch a part of me that needs to be touched.
I hope you are coming back.
Yours is the first erotica blog that I ever read and seem to have gotten addicted to. You have awakened my deepest and darkest desires with your words. I would miss your words more than I can describe. Enjoy your time to yourself and remember all of the needy people out here in cyberspace. Hope to hear from you soon.
I visit your site from time to time – more to enjoy the way you use words and ideas and turn them into visions. I hope you enjoy your break, we all need one from time to time.
I blog because I love writing. I blog because it helps me see things in myself that sometimes lie hidden. I blog because I am an exhabitionist at heart, and there is something thrilling about putting so many honest and raw details out in the open. It is my place to share pieces of myself that I find difficult or impossible to share with anyone in ‘real life’.
Blogs come and go. Sometimes they simply outlive their usefulness to the author. Sometimes they serve the purpose and are abandoned, unfinished, yet strangely complete all at once.
I will be looking forward to your return.
So much of our searching in this life is simply looking to find kith and kin…people we may have ken with. It’s rare for some of us, easier for others but a great motivating principle in all of us.
Do we call out to each other? Is it simply “like seeking like”? Do we walk in each other’s dreams? Send signals? Each and every word you write and speak (and oh I do love your voice and that little snap! click! of the cigarette lighter) is being felt, heard, received by like-minded souls.
Please don’t desert us, not just yet.
Melanie
I’m glad when you wrote this you did come back. So many of us don’t. Your pretty awesome.