A Proper Education, Part 1

This is an excerpt from a story I wrote last year. I never got around to concluding the thread started with this scene, and I'm now considering the possibility of separating it from the original story and giving it a life of its own.

Here is the excerpt, with a few edits and the protagonist's name changed.

There is a land, very far away, and often forgotten.

In this land, there is a small harbor town.

There is a cliff by the town, and on this cliff is a lighthouse

At the top of this lighthouse is a hexagonal room of glass designed to protect both the source of the lighthouse’s brilliant light and the light keeper who maintains it. Five of the six walls of the room are made of glass and bordered in bronze; the sixth wall is not a wall at all, but a glass door. The revolving lamp in the center of the room takes up most of the available space, but there is a a three-foot wide path around the perimeter that can be walked in comfort.

Within this space, facing out towards the glass, a woman is held suspended by rope.

Although this room had been built for a single purpose, the master of the lighthouse had made some adjustments. Spaced at every foot and a half, hooks circled the ceiling above the path bordering the lighthouse lamp; a matching set of hooks followed in precision along the ground. Four of these hooks were currently in use and had, attached to them, long strands of rope that ended in leather strips. Positioned correctly, the leather could be used to hold a human figure spread-eagled above the ground. A figure such as Evelyn’s, the woman currently held locked into a spread-eagled position a good foot off the ground.

Sebastian paused on the last step of the spiraling staircase. A woman’s beauty can be captured in her silhouette; the hazy borders of the female form simplified in a manner that bypasses surface desires and strikes a much deeper chord. Shading gives definition to curves of breast and hip, depth to the concave shadows at the apex of her thighs.

He watched the suspended figure take each slow breath. The rising and falling of her chest in a rhythm that was both calming and stirring. She had the well-exercised but not quite lean body of someone who was used to working outside but knew the luxuries of a good home. Her dark brown hair draped over her bare upper back; her head was lowered and her bangs hid her in a waterfall of brown that obscured the details of her face. He didn’t need to see the details to remember well the dark green of her eyes.

He thought back on the circumstances that had brought her here. The daughter of a small town’s mill owner, she was cursed with enough beauty to attract the attention of a wealthy merchant. The arranged marriage brought her father enough mercantile contacts to increase his wealth twofold, but had brought her only the grief of a loveless relationship. This proved to have some unforeseen consequences; on her wedding night, every male within three miles – including her husband, the town mayor and several prominent clergyman – experienced a quite sudden, and rather dismaying, loss of ardor. Such a blow to male pride is hard to swallow no matter how forgiving the partner. This continued for several months (coinciding with each attempted consummation of the marriage). The extent, nature and source of the problem would have gone undiscovered (being of a subject not much admitted to, much less discussed) had her husband not complained loudly to her father in one of the town’s local pub. Looks were shared, connections were made, and an ultimatum was provided: she would need to learn to control her gift or have her wedding nullified before being exiled from the town.

Her father had sent her to Sebastian with a plea and several bags filled with gold. Neither meant much to Sebastian, but the sadness in the girl’s eyes had convinced him to take her in.

Sebastian stepped into the lighthouse room and walked to Evelyn. She raised her head, green eyes meeting his. There was no fear in her. Her vulnerability left no place for it.

The right balance of pull along the ropes holding her aloft kept muscle strain to a minimum – but she had been there for hours. Sebastian could see her fatigue in the slight trembling along her arms. His long fingers brushed strands of brown hair away from her face, fingertips tickling her cheek. His voice, when he spoke, was soft, “Why are you here, Evelyn?”

Evelyn raised her head just a bit further. Her eyes had the clarity of molten glass. “To serve…myself.” The words slipped free without hesitation, a reflex as deep as breathing.

He nodded once, “And how best to serve yourself?” His fingers drew down against her chest, parting so that thumb and pinky each found the starting curve of a breast.

Her breathing caught, and her eyes closed as she focused on his hand, the way it continued its path lower, to her stomache, palm resting at the top of her abdomen. “By serving you, by serving you…” the words were breathed more than spoken and she shuddered as he turned his hand and slid it between her thighs, fingers curling up to feel the searing heat of her.

Sebastian spoke just a single word, but it was enough, “Yes.” She responded to it by rolling her hips forward, swaying in the ropes to press his hand deeper against her. Sebastian wrapped his free arm around her, hand coming to rest on the small of her back. He drew her into an embrace close enough for him to rest his cheek against the smooth heat of her breasts.

He listened to her heartbeat as two of his fingers slid inside of her and moved along the top, finding the slightly rough spot just a few inches inside. It did not take long, body shuddering and moving under his rhythmic touch, before she came hard into his hand, her thighs tensing and relaxing but unable to close on him. She was open, restrained, and completely at his mercy.

Sebastian remained there for a moment, fingers inside of her, listening to the music of her heartbeat, waiting for it to slow before slipping his fingers free. Taking his time, he knelt on one knee and released each of her ankles from the leather's embrace. Standing, he pressed himself fully against her and then pushed her back until he felt the weight of her body alongside his. Carefully, he released each of her wrists and felt her sag into his arms.

In silence he lifted her, cradling her naked form in his arms, and carried her down the stairs and to her room. Settling her into bed, he drew soft white sheets over her and smoothed the hair away from her face. She had not stirred since he taken her down, and he smiled to see her now turn her face towards his hand, lips brushing the palm. “Rest Evelyn. For tomorrow will see your final test.”

He left her there, in the dark, with a single candle as company.

Pilgrimage


touch like slivered
         words
mine are the scars
         to trace
                                    winding their own merry way

and here is the end where even my god
              fears to set his foot.

so?
        are
              you
                    ready
                             to
                                 be
                                     taken
                                             by
                                                  my
                                                      little
                                                            hunger?
   
Forever tastes like this.

silver buttons on quiet shores
lies like shimmering lucidity upon which is balanced some small winged angel

wings to beat against the fury, like tossing pennies
    into a wishing well made of liquid god.
wings to shelter human skin prone to cracking under the strain of holding us in.
wings to hide behind
wings to sob against

we have no wings.

we are left then with craving, crying, crawling.

                     Let them come
                     Let them come
                     And ask

                                   why we must
                                          always have this

      driving anger
             fucking about
                   till every inch of the hard-biting cry
                                                                      Ends.

             for I know them too well.

    I am
                 too animal to be human
                         too human to be more

Metaphorically Speaking (Song of the Week)

Background:

David Olney put music to John Hadley's lyrics and created a song that both tells a story and acts as a living metaphor. From the album Migration (2005).

Significance:

Illusion and magic are something I am passingly familiar with.

As children, my older brother and I loved magic. Our parents bought us the '25 in 1' magic kits, filled with cheap tricks such as the 'ball and cups', the 'box and quarter', the hollow wand, the color-changing scarves, marked decks, and squishy foam bunnies. We'd practice, never long enough, and give semi-formal shows in our living room. We were particularly good, but I learned enough card tricks to impress my friends as a teenager.

As I got older, I learned that magic is, at its core, about misdirection and deception. But that's alright – we want to be deceived. Our need to know how the trick is done is directly proportionate to our childlike happiness in experiencing the inexplicable.

Love is like that. It is an illusion, a trick of the mind – it is, in the traditionally passionate sense, a tangle of hormones driven by our insecurities and a desire for companionship.

Yet we live in the belief that love is unreasoning. That it is impossible to judge or understand. We write sonnets and haikus in its honor, we weep at its absence and laugh at its affect on others.

And we try not to look too closely at what love really is. Because it doesn't matter why we love.

Just how.  

— 

[audio:DavidOlney_MyLovelyAssistant.mp3]
David Olney, My Lovely Assistant

Keychain

Three years ago:

After college, I developed a rather interesting habit that was half good-luck charm and half obsessive compulsive behavior. Often, when walking into work or leaving my house, I took to tossing my keychain into the air, once, twice – three times, with each toss successively higher.

When I missed one of the tosses, I'd start over. If I managed to catch all three without error, I was quite pleased with myself.

This habit disappeared with the purchase of my current house and my generally settled state of affairs.

Last week: 

…was spent at the beach with NE and Bear. Days consisted of drinking, playing, swimming, flirting, eating well, sleeping late, reading good books, reading bad books, buying sandals, and generally enjoying life.

Is there anything better than good friends, good drink, and good food?

I mean, other than good sex. But then, that is also a possibility – depending on just how *good* your friends are…

Last night:

After dinner and movie with NE and Bear, I realized I was going through a bit of vacation withdrawal. I didn't want to return to work just yet. I wasn't ready to let go of the good life.

As I approached my car to leave, I found myself tossing my keys back and forth between hands.

I gave my keys an experimental toss in the air.

A second toss, and I found myself smiling.

For the third, I closed my eyes as the keys left my hand. A moment later, I felt the sting of metal biting into my palm as the keys came back down.

It felt good. 

View from the Top

The use of the term 'subspace' is part of BDSM vernacular. With a bit of research, you will find that a great deal has been written about what it feels like, the many ways it is achieved, and the role it plays in each submissive's lifestyle. On the other hand, there isn't a lot written on the state of mind of the dominant (though Daemon does an excellent job in describing the mindset of a sadist). 

This is understandable – subspace is almost tangible, a level of consciousness that is a noticeable change in perception and awareness. It has real affects (which vary from person to person), such as an increased tolerance to pain, the sensation of 'floating', a disconnection from the outside world, or even sublime peace.

A dominant's head space is harder to pin down. It is assumed they are thinking up evil plans or planning their next step of cruelty. With their mind filled with the details of running the scene, is there any room for anything else?

Yes. 

In broader terms, I use the metaphor of the caged wolf to describe how it feels when that dark desire lies coiled inside me, waiting.

Every so often, I let it out. 

This state is rare and most often brought on by a combination of natural hunger, an irresistible opportunity, and a need to test myself. I see the gap between what I want and what she is capable of giving to me at that moment, and distance between the two becomes irrelevant. 

I become capable of acts that would normally make me hesitate.

Need becomes a cold fire, and I act in a manner both calculated and instinctual. There are no moments of indecision, no questioning of motive. Those choices have already been made.

All that is left is the feast.

— 

And that – that's a small glimpse at how it feels from the other side.