The Pieces that Don’t Fit

That’s why the workshops were so life-transforming. We told each student the first impression he made. We weren’t afraid of hurting his feelings. We corrected his every gesture, phrase, and item of clothing, because we knew he wasn’t living up to his potential. None of us is. We get stuck in old thoughts and behavior patterns that may have been effective when we were twelve months or twelve years old, but now only serve to hold us back. And, while those around us may have no problem correcting our minor flaws, they let the big ones slide, because it would mean attacking who we are.

But who are we, really? Just a bundle of good genes and bad genes mixed with good habits and bad habits. And since there’s no gene for coolness or confidence, then being uncool and unconfident are just bad habits, which can be changed with enough guidance and will power.” ~ Neil Strauss, “The Game


Honesty, at this level, is difficult to handle. And even harder to expect from those close to you.

I think it is critical to have people in your life that aren’t afraid to kick you in the ass when you find yourself slipping into behavior that diminishes you. Surrounding yourself with the right people will force you be to a better, more complete person.

Note – I’m very stubborn, but I take criticism well. I listen carefully and if it fits in with the person I want to be, I’ll do something about it. But there is a line between direction and demand. Nothing puts my back up quite so quickly as people insisting I change. I want people around me who aren’t afraid to tell me when I’m wrong; I’m not looking for people to reshape me into what they think is right.

Do you have someone in your life who pushes you to correct the big flaws, along with the minor ones?

4 Responses to “The Pieces that Don’t Fit”

  1. Magdelena Says:

    I do and I have known him for half of my life. In the early days I sometimes considered him mean or judgemental, I challenged him asking why he couldn’t be ‘nice’ like everyone else. *sigh* It took me a long time to realise the purity of his intention.

    The relationship is reciprocal, I speak as openly and honestly with him. And I think that honesty is the essential foundation. I wonder if you are familiar with Brad Blanton’s concept of radical honesty? Cut through the packaging to a truth because the essence is worthy I think.

    This man in my life is the only one I know courageous enough to be radically honest. When he kicks my ass, I do listen. But like you, I have a stubborn and for me, defiant streak. People have attempted to guide or mold me and have met with a gentle yet rare ferocity.

    The quote you open with leads me to consider how resitant we are to change, how fear and criticism can close us down. I know fear of being all I can be has been my greatest enemy, or better still, a worthy opponant. Does that make sense?

  2. The Occasionally Cruel One Says:

    That would presume that I -have- flaws…


  3. LynLass Says:

    Yes, I’m very lucky that way. He does, however, choose his times carefully. Like Magdalena, I have a stubborn streak. When He sees that, he *usually* holds off until I’m in a more receptive place. If it’s really important, He does have *ways* of getting my attention!

  4. lea Says:

    I have one who kicks me when I need it.. i do not take criticism well in the least.. and change is even harder. But I am pushed. And it happens that I change. More easily now than earlier in my life.

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